Monthly Archives: October 2012

Useless Causes II: Occupy Movement

So you’ve failed life pretty hard, you’re homeless, have no education and absolutely no prospects at succeeding at life, what are you going to do about it? Protest randomly about Wall Street!

Oh, the inequality! The injustice! The greed!

Instead of working hard or trying to at least get by, these people, whom most would deem to be the absolute bottom of society, create a scene in an attempt at being heard. In short, they expect to be given a free ride and rage at people doing well.

So what good is really coming of it? At these occupy protests, piles of trash are mounting, and the place begins to smell unpleasant. After several weeks, many in the crowd are in a serious need of a shower. It feels like a mini-third-world country in the streets of a major city.

The protestors are often creating violence and getting overly frustrated that their lives are terrible, which is a contrast to the bankers putting in the hours on Wall Street and enjoying the fruits of their hard work. There is an underlying jealousy which pushes these protestors to make collection of immature demands, from a free annual living wage, free college education to “forgiveness of debt on the entire planet”.

The large amount of arrests and extremism displayed at these pathetic protests further underlie the joke that is Occupy.

In New York, the NYPD forced the protestors to move from Wall Street to Union Square. I’d often walk by on evenings on the way back to my apartment and notice that it’d be the same people, still bitching and living on the street begging for cash when you walked by.

If you own an expensive car, you should drive by with the top down and show it off to these hopeless individuals, maybe also make sure your car is fast since they’ll probably try to damage it too. This is most likely due to all the built up rage from years of recurring failure at every aspect of their purpose-less lives.

If you ever walk past these protests, think about wearing a largely visible “1%” badge. Also consider wearing some stab and bullet proof clothing too since the risk of getting injured at these protests is pretty high.

Here’s a lovely example of how people get caught up in the joke and just take it too far..

Not convinced yet what a useless thing this so called “movement” is?

Maybe also read this

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Useless Causes I: Slutwalk

So today marks the start of a new series. Useless causes. I often notice protests, petitions, and debates about causes which probably are not worth thinking about. In this new series, these will be looked at and dissected to give you, the reader, an understanding of it.

We kick things off with a guest post for Slutwalk.

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“Stop the violence, stop the hate,” hordes of  freakishly ugly women chant as they parade down the streets thinking they are making a huge difference in the world. You might wonder why they are so vocal about such a cause?  Well let’s find out.

So what is SlutWalk really? It all started in 2011, but quite simply it is overweight sea cows, expired cougars and munt-worthy fuglies, that all merge and proudly admit to being easy lays. They know that they won’t be getting any sort of attention from men, so they rely on signalling their sexual promiscuity to capture a desperate male willing to dumpster dive to some pretty low depths as he has no other options. Marketing themselves as easy bangs is almost a ploy that in their deluded minds, permit them to compete with more attractive females. Of course, it’s a useless strategy, because most high-value men who have some options will run after their perfunctory smash of these inhumane beasts.

The sub-par females that rock up to these events are often the ones that do not have the ability to retain any man with anything close to an average Sexual Market Value. They gain “Confidence” by knowing that some dude that didn’t bother to learn her name, banged her and never called her again. They feel “Liberated” that they have huge notch counts with guys who would not admit to knowing them in the face of daylight. They feel “Empowered” by continually getting pumped and dumped by guys who discard them like yesterday’s trash.

On a more basic level, its a known fact that women are the gatekeepers of sex, and letting every Tom, Dick (Heh) and Harry through those gates (ie. Between your legs) really shows how high-value you are. Yup, a high value man is bound to pay full price (ie. commit)  for heavily used and damaged goods (ie. You). Oh, and continue utilising your physical prime by taking lengthy rides on the cock carousel and then don’t forget to start complaining about where all the good men went when you’re well past your prime and spinsterhood becomes a reality.

So let’s just get an idea of what I’m referring to here.

Above is a “Curvy, Beautiful, Liberated, Strong-Willed, Independent, Educated, and Liberated” female who attended one of these incredibly useless protests.

Let’s take a moment and try to understand this from the perspective of this hideous She-Beast.

There is no doubt some self-soothing psychological angle at work here. Obese whores who enjoy bragging to the world about being easy are not really conveying to others so much as they are trying to convince themselves of their massive desirability to the opposite sex. An EMPOWERED, LIBERATED  Slutwalk is just the remedy for an ugly, loser girl that guys don’t give the time of day to. She can continue to roar at the top of her lungs along with the rest of these lowlives about what a catch she is, and maybe for that split second — that sweet afternoon escape on the streets of the city — she forces herself to even believe it, and her self-esteem rises exponentially as she swiftly forgets  all those degrading, sloppy one night stands as some sort of misguided evidence of her incredible looks and desirability.

But then reality hits, and it hits hard. Spinsterhood and a large collection of cats awaits..

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Intern Season

Summer nears and I’m sure a lot of career kids have been spamming their applications and hopefully received a few offers for an intern gig over the long break after the end of semester 2.

So I’ll be happy to drop some huge hints for all those super eager interns to get an edge.

How to dress
Just like their work abilities, summer interns’ fashion is something good for everyone else to laugh at. Avoid this by rocking up and trying to out-dress everyone in the office. It’s your opportunity to really shine since the work you produce obviously won’t be anything great.  Too often though, interns can easily be spotted by their AMAZING Crumpler messenger bags, and well maintained suits from Lowes, maybe try to pull that off so you can let others know that you really mean business. Also, go for some crazy coloured socks, you know, the ones that don’t match at all with the rest of your attire, remember its all about standing out and making your mark with your potential future employer.

P.S. – If you’re a girl (and good looking), dress in super revealing outfits and be a complete cock tease, since most of the work interns produce get thrown out, you need to leaving a lasting memory in some way and this is a good chance.

How to behave
Suck up hard. If you get asked to get coffees, say something like this:
“COFFEE RUN? OH BOY! I LOOOVE COFFEE RUNS! I’D GLADLY GO AND GET COFFEE FOR THE REST OF THE TEAM”
or when you’re asked to pick up the MD’s dry cleaning, something like this would be good:
“WOW, I GET THE PRIVILEGE OF PICKING UP YOUR DRY CLEANING? OH MY THAT’S SUCH A HUGE RESPONSIBILITY BESTOWED UPON ME, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS OPPORTUNITY”
You must realise that all the other interns are saying generic things and just being nice, your aim is to better their responses to the furthermost extent.

When talking to senior staff drop lines such as this

“The MD is amazing, I swear the room changes when he walks in!”

If you’re a back office loser, then just stick to hanging with people you work around, and don’t try to fit in with front office staff. Let’s just say we’ve had countless laughs over back office kings trying very hard to fit in with front office stars.

How hard to work
Basically, your work will be useless and probably get thrown out so don’t work hard at all. Be cocky as fuck, and let everyone know you are a future bawse. Remember: Words speak louder than actions in the intern world. Just stay back cause everyone else is and find some random things to do on your computer. Sometimes just eat lunch at your desk even though you are idle and let everyone know about it too. The aim is to look busy without really being busy, that’s what it’s all about.

Also, just randomly go to “Meetings” and disappear for a few hours throughout the day, you will seem more important and senior staff will start to respect you more for disappearing without much notice. You are showing them how much demand you have at the company!

What to say
Be as vague as you can be, mumble, make awkward pauses and be very indecisive. Make it seem as if what you know is some sort of secret that cannot be openly shared. Statements which make no sense will probably make others feel as if they are inadequate to understand. You know what they say, fake it ’til you make it!

Post Mortem

So you’ve finished your internship and are back at university, two potential scenarios after you intern.

1. You got the offer

When you’re back at University, tell all your friends, and acquaintances of how cool it was, how amazing, interesting and intriguing the work was and how you did so well at exceeding the expectations of the company in regards to your performance!

2. You Didn’t get the offer

Tell everyone how the culture didn’t align well with your personality, or how the values weren’t similar to your personal ones. Maybe throw in how you couldn’t see yourself doing that type of work and how it wasn’t quite your thing. Just downplay it and make it seem like it was some valuable experience and through that experience you now know what you want in the future.

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