Melbourne is poison.

You are content with your life (sometimes even happy) but you are caged in an environment that brings you down. You have no excitement about waking up in the morning and have nothing to look forward to except another day of existence. You’re merely existing, not living. You go to public places and sit there, reflecting, wondering aloud, “Is this it?” as people give you weird looks. You see things as they are and wonder why other people are so slow to pick up on the obvious meanings that lie beneath the surface.

Melbourne, a city that often gets named the “World’s most livable city“, leading to its residents possessing a feeling that they live somewhere great in this world. A notion which I thought was true before exploring further and realising otherwise.

Is Melbourne really that great? Aside from the inner suburbs, the vast majority of Melbourne isn’t exactly amazing, and that’s where most of the people can afford live. The city’s “Growth” has meant people are divided even further by living on the edge of civilisation where there’s nothing but open land and lots of dust. A huge house in the middle of nowhere is still amazing though right?

The city’s public transport system isn’t great, cost of living is high and people’s attitudes aren’t great. On top of that the actual CBD itself is quite tiny, with a pretty dead zone feeling most days and nights too. What’s so great about this place?

Oh the coffee! Oh the lane ways and culture!

Yes, the coffee fascination of this place is sometimes astounds me as does the fad of having breakfast in a cafe and having some “cultured street art/graffiti” lined through the streets but does that really make it so great?

Then there’s the people.. Melbourne really produces the cookie-cutter variety of people, you go to school, you attend higher education, you work in a draining job your whole life, you pay your taxes and continue in this delusional grand mission to chase money and accumulate tangible items. This is all done in the space of one city over a span of a lifetime, how interesting!

The culture here has also broken the women. A girl wakes up and she’s 30 and has no man and no hope for a man, yet she already passed on several who didn’t give her the tinglies or butterflies in her stomach or whatever the fuck term she uses. Because of course the culture gave them this sense of entitlement as well, to think that with mediocre looks and 15 extra kilos they can get a hot stud like they see in the magazines in line at the grocery store

Creativity is sucked out of you, Risk taking is looked down upon, and soon you’ll just be the hamster spinning in its wheel. The city will also start to turn you into a self-absorbed person, you’ll only become more and more superficial. Your “rat race” weeks end up being so lifeless you will feel the need to punish your liver every weekend, so you have something interesting to say on Monday morning when you’re back at your lifeless job.
The culture amongst educational institutions also drives the “daily grind” lifestyle, especially The University of Melbourne, whereby the notion amongst everyone is something along the lines of “Career is King!” every kid is out to get a head start over their peers in their “rat race” lives and get that CPI-aligned pay rise every year. It really is hard for some people to swallow that you’ll never get rich working for others, but they never contest that, they continue to live their drone lives and fail to defy the status quo.
Then you have the people continually riding the “Melbourne is the best city in the world” bandwagon after visiting a string of South East Asian countries in a 3 week trip and coming back feeling as if this city has some sort of magic power. I think you’ll have to venture out to a few more countries besides that to really find where Melbourne really stacks up.
Now, whenever I’m outside of Australia and I meet someone from Melbourne I often feel the need to avoid them, just because the reminder of the most overrated city is just not worth putting up with throughout an interaction.

People may ask, if Australia and Melbourne suck so much why do so many migrants move here? Well, everybody knows the welfare system here is good and that definitely helps. If you live in this city, you probably won’t be poor, nor rich and live a pretty boring middle class life in the suburbs. Your life will be passive and soon you’ll be saying that the most interesting thing that happened to you in the last week was someone giving you the time of day.
Combine the shitty weather, terrible attitudes of people, the lacklustre beauty of the city and you have it, a very overrated city, Melbourne!


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48 thoughts on “Melbourne is poison.

  1. KMM says:

    Australia as a whole is shit

  2. Jakey says:

    In the end not many people defy the work life

  3. Kathleen S says:

    I had this realisation a while ago, and now I’ve geared myself into moving overseas in 2013 – cannot wait!

  4. untouchedangel says:

    Is Sydney good?

  5. YH says:

    I’ve visited melbourne before and thought it was okay, nothing amazing.

  6. Louise says:

    Geez bitter much? Also I think if you took out the word Melbourne and replaced it with any other major city, you would have have the same issues. What you’re complaining about is something that is a product of living in a modern society. Live with it or get out!

    • Cas says:

      This is probably one of the people riding “Melbourne is the best city in the world” bandwagon also perfect example of the terrible attitude that the author wrote of. You just played into the hands of what was written.. smart one

      • Louise says:

        You assume wrong of course. I’m taking emotion out of this and pointing out this ‘problem’ is not exclusively a Melbourne one. Pity you can’t be objective!

      • real truth says:

        Louise, I’ve read magazines about the moon and Mars. Am I now qualified to say how it feels to walk on the moon?

    • Cas says:

      So Louise, how many cities have you lived in for extended periods of time besides Melbourne. You indicate that this ‘problem’ is so widespread, I’d love to hear your experiences with other cities that this ‘problem’ occurs in.

      • Louise says:

        Cas I’ve lived in London for nine years, in Buenos Aires for six months, Geneva for the same. I also read magazines like the Monocle, the Alantic, the New Yorker to name a few. You don’t have to ‘live in another country’ to know what’s happening in the world! You guys need to get out more!

    • angeleye says:

      It’s Melbourne, there’s only a limited amount of places to go before you realise there’s not much more left here.

    • Ben - AUS says:

      Stupid cliches much?

      Wake up.

  7. Justine says:

    Of course there’s plenty of better places, but there’s a lot more worse places too

  8. Garry P says:

    Japan is a lot more fun, don’t miss Australia one bit

  9. […] It probably is the best part of many peoples lives in Australia, but since the average passive Australian life would probably be a shade of what many people get to experience throughout the world it isn’t […]

  10. Frank says:

    Newcastle is the best!!!

  11. […] It’s odd, hipsters try hard to emit a care-free ambiance, however they are often some of the most self-absorbed people around, especially in a city like Melbourne. […]

  12. Lysalaile says:

    Festivals, plays/musicals/opera, the local music scene, public lectures, and a whole bunch of other stuff you can do!
    Lived in Riyadh for 4 years, Dubai for 2, HK for 1, Manila for 4 and I’d like to say Melbourne’s not the best city, but it’s a damn good one to live in.

    • Ben says:

      How insufferably precious.

      You’re exactly the type of person that makes this city a toilet.

      *twweee, hehehehe. Thai food one day, indian the next. Catch a play at Hamer and a flick at trop. Oh I love Melbourne :)*

  13. […] environment you are in is very important. Place yourself in a toxic environment and watch yourself decay into meaningless oblivion, exist in a positive environment […]

  14. Ben - AUS says:

    Life long Melbournian here.

    This is all true. Why is it that so few people can see it?

    This place is a slow poison. It will slowly erode you. It wants to break you down.

    “Have you heard about ____? It’s this little coffee shop on ____ Ln. WOW! The coffee is aaaaamaazzzing.”

    Fuck off.

  15. Taylor says:

    Rarely have I read such a biased article. You make a few, half reasonable points but they could be applied to any modern city. As for a city “eroding you” please move or toughen up!! Don’t live in Melbourne if you don’t like it. I feel sad for you, living with such a negative view of the world. Sure there are downsides to Melbourne but I’v live in six other countries and you have no clue that Melbourne is pretty damn great. But then again it is what you make it. You don’t seem to be making much of it though. But if you move somewhere else try to find things to enjoy and not hate on, okay?

    • Kidd rkd says:

      This, ladies and gentlemen typifies the attitude of people in Melbourne. Bitter hate, anger and unwillingness to accept a differing point of view. Instead they hop on liberal leftist causes like gay marriage to make their dull, empty souls feel a winch of faked happiness.

  16. Hamid says:

    it may seem somewhat pessimistic but yea unfortunately is true a city with many many uninhabitable people witch make it really boring it’s dead city you have to just work work and work not anything more no excitement no friend. nothing I was there for 3 months.

  17. noname says:

    While I think living in a place can make you depressed, more often than not you are depressed by more than that. Everyone knows the first world ennui to some degree, even (especially?) people who wax lyrical about laneways and coffee. Some people move around the world when they are young trying in vain to escape it. But people are people wherever you go. You come to realise there is no city or town on Earth that isn’t soul destroying. I’ve moved around and failed to find happiness, but I’m still naive enough to aim for one last move: away from people. I’m not sure I could cut it subsistence farming so I may have to be more pragmatic, visiting a town to buy things. The idea of one day doing this keeps me going through the drudgery.

  18. chris says:

    I’ve recently returned from a 4 month world trip, although I didn’t live in one specific place for an extended period of time, I still understand what the author is saying. Melbourne isn’t the worst city in the world, however the vast majority of people bring it down. Attitudes of men and women in this city are the reason it is slowly decaying. To the point where people have developed a scorn whenever you approach them.

  19. […] gone from having a stable life back in the despised motherland with the sprinkles of excitement, to a constant barrage of action praying for comfort in a foreign […]

  20. […] put a hard working, above average guy from a gruelling anti-masculine environment such as the US or Australia, drop him in to Asia or Eastern Europe and watch the results of his hard work simply multiply in […]

  21. bill says:

    There is nothing special about Melbourne, it is just another city. However, I think the real problem here is there is nothing special about you. It is you that is unoriginal and boring, and I don’t believe for a second any city would make you happy. Life is what you make it. I am sure you are the dude that sits in the corner of the bar complaining how woman must suck because they are showing no interest in you. They must be the problem, it couldn’t possibly be you. Likewise Melbourne sucks because opportunities don’t just fall in your lap. You complain of a boring city of people stuck in the rat race, yet I am 100% you are doing exactly this. Once you find this magic fairy land where you get to hook up with 10’s and an abundance of cash falls in your lap for no real exertion, please be kind enough to share with us all. LOL.

    • Borat says:

      Nah… Melbourne just genuinely sucks. Too many hipsters. That plus the place smells funny and the tap water tastes weird. I also once saw a guy wearing short-shorts in the middle of winter. They were so short I thought they were underwear. An image that scarred me for life. Strange place that Melbourne.

    • YouKnow says:

      The problem is Melbourne is subjected to a constant PR campaign 24/7 about how great it is, from media like The Age and so on. In reality, is just a mid sized Western city – no better and no worse than many others the same size – but it is nothing outstanding or special. I once briefly shared a house with a woman in East Brunswick who was convinced she lived in a major Western city and seriously bought into this whole ridiculous collective ego trip that Melbourne is a major urban centre.

  22. […] an overall decline in culture made me realise I simply didn’t fit in that garbage city named Melbourne any […]

  23. […] things which will undoubtedly keep me rather busy for the next few years. A long-term return to the depression of Melbourne is still an unlikely option for the next 3-5 years, and I’ll try my best to avoid […]

  24. Peter says:

    If you don’t like it then go back to your own country!!!!!!

    just kidding… I’ve heard that way too many times in Melbourne, well in Australia in general….. can’t wait to get the f*k outta here!

  25. […] regurgitates my views completely which further validates my notion of it being a location that is bitter poison to men in their prime and must be […]

  26. […] order to focus on other things. I guess when your demands are being met and you’re out of a negative environment you truly can focus on what you want to do rather than dedicate hours and hours to get an ounce of […]

  27. Jan says:

    Honeslty, it’s not just Melbourne, it’s Australia. I’m from Europe and I’m not saying everything is good over there. The opposite is true, live quality is better here I think, you have fewer social / immigration problems, people are probably richer and even more friendly. But in the end, in most European cities there’s something in the atmosphere. The feeling that there’s something going on beyond the working life, there are tensions, there is energy, there is history.
    Here, everything has to be “this new special place in town”, everything has to be something cool and special, although the excess of rules destroys every posibillity of creativity and spontaneity. There’s a lack of interaction, interaction between the people and the environment, between the buildings and the people, between the buildings. A cool street is just “a street with shops and bars”. In Berlin, Paris, Brussels and Rome, and actually in virtually every village over 100 000 people, you can go at three in the morning to some nice pitoresque square, buy some beers for half a euro a beer and drink them in the portal of a cathedral with a cigarette in your mouth.

    • Ivan says:

      This exactly is what I think!! You you put it just right. “everything has to be something cool and special” and ‘lack of interaction” between people, environment and buildings. I get what you say about how the cool street. I wish I had read your comment before moving here 2 months ago. I am dissapointed, and that coming from a place worse off than Australia or Europe (although I lived there too).

  28. […] Now, when you live in a place where the mating market is much more balanced and not so skewed to femcentric liberals, this isn’t too hard, but I can surely imagine how much harder it would be for a man living in toxic anti-masculine societies. […]

  29. […] being another brick in the wall of delusion. I’ve always maintained and continue to believe that Melbourne is Poison for the types that have the slightest hint of creativity or ambition. Besides sitting in traffic, […]

  30. Nnn says:

    This article is hilarious. I gaurantee it was written by an atypical Melbourne uni international student who never mixes with anyone outside of their own nationality and never ventures far outside of their student accomodation or crappy soulless overpriced apartment in the docklands paid for by their family. If these people ever venture forth to talk to a local they are usually rejected for their bland naive take on things, it’s no wonder they see no value here. If you are connected in Melbourne, like every other city in the world, it will open up for you. If you do nothing but bitch and moan there is nothing here for you–it will reject you by a process of natural selection. There, problem solved, let’s have a laugh at this idiot and get on with it.

  31. Jan says:

    Lived in Sydney 35 yrs, NZ for 6 and now Melbourne for 2. Melbourne is a scruffy dump, much the same as Auckland. Councils do not keep weeds down amd the gum trees they planted around town are the fluffy ones full of pollen amd THAT my friends is why people die when there is a wind storm. MOW THE GRASS amd spray the weeds! There are no allegy issues to the extent of Melbourne in Sydney amd that is because councils keep street scapes maintained. Crime in Melbourne is rising and there is no justice. Andrews is so soft in crime and we even have a gang of bikies protesting in Sunshine for tougher penalties – so hello ther is a problem!! Melbourne also strikes me as a bit of a nanny state, ie slow movers and not great at enforcing legislation, like Sydney. NZ guilty of this too, but worse. All said Melbourne has grown on me, people are friendly on the whole and I like the grubby graffiti streets with their coffee shops, but YET to find good coffee…all watered down these days. What does it for me though (and it is because of this Im leaving) is the WEATHER. Costs a fortune to run heating because it is always f. cold! Even Hobart is warmer as is Sydney around 5-6 degrees warmer. Cant hack it as it affects my motivation, mood. I am also a beach person and the beaches here suck. As soon as kids finish college and go to uni, Im off! I conclude with thenfact that Melbourne is not the most liveable city in the world. Nowhere is because nowhere is perfect. It is about adjusting if you want to stay in any one place and moving on if you cant hack in the search for a perfect world. For me personally the main deal breaker is temp.

  32. Jan says:

    Sorry guys, lots of typos in my blogg – fingers so cold too stiff to type.

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