Monthly Archives: December 2012

Everything has two meanings

I’ve always been one to question ads, especially personal ads from expired cougars, recovering sluts and desperate sea cows.

This will be a short guide on how decipher the vague and ambiguous personal ads of women online.

It says: “I don’t do the casual dating marathons, or the quick hook-ups.”
Translation: “Back in my prime, I used to put out on the first date pretty regularly, but you’ll have to wait a few months.”

It says: “Educated, strong, career oriented, and driven.”
What she really means: “Must have Ca$h, so I can spend it”

She says: “I am a real woman, I am not a Barbie Doll or super model and I never will be”
What she really means: “Wait until you see me the morning after without make-up.”

She says: “I need a rich man but I don’t want to have to support another child!”
What she really means: “I want all the benefits of a partner, without having to put in any additional work!”

She says: “Curvacious/cuddly/REAL woman”
Reality: “Morbidly obese.”

She says: “A few drinks now and then is fine, just don’t be one of those guys who goes out and gets wasted at every opportunity… ”
What she really means: “Guys regularly cheat on me with the ugliest girl in the bar.”

She says: “You have to be comfortable around kids, as I have a huge family with lots of little cousins.”
What she means is: “I plan on popping them out while you work your way up that middle management ladder.”

It states: “I love having long conversations that just flow from one topic to another… ”
Actually means:  “You have to be able to listen to my nonstop whining and complaining.”

She says: “I am a strong independent woman, looking for a strong independent man. I am not willing to settle anymore for what I have decided is not for me.”
What she really means: “I started purchasing cats last year and will continue to purchase them until I die.”

She says: “I am the mother of a teenager and have decided that it is time to take care of moms needs now.”
What she really means: “I seriously fucked up by having this kid, and I would like to find someone to take care of my child so I can have me-time at Yoga class. ”

She says: “I am looking for a Man who is willing to accept myself and my son as we are.”
What she really means: “Things will never get better, only worse.”

Reality isn’t easy for everyone to accept, but most people see through the vague attempts at redemption.


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Christmas List!

Christmas Wish List

With Christmas merely a few days away, I thought I’d post up a typical FOB Christmas Wish list, complete with reasoning as to why these gifts are so heavily desired.

Dear Santa,

I’ve been  a good boy this year, I have studied 65 hours every week and have scraped H1 for every subject except Organisational Behaviour which I sadly got a H3 for.

So far these holidays, I have religiously followed my holiday routine and have not engaged in any interaction with the outside world to distract me from my goals.

I’m trying so hard to improve in my English that I even got this letter to you proof-read by three native English speakers!

Please Santa, I’d love to receive the following in return for my persistence and hard work this year:
– Karaoke Machine (So I can be a master at Karaoke and beat my FOB friends next time at K-Box!)

– New Pho recipes (Sure, its a simple dish but I want to make it unique since I have it 3 times a day!)

– No Doz (Pretty much a per-requisite for my late night pre-studying for 2013)

– Lots of Red Bull (As above)

Modelling Extremal Events for Insurance and Finance (Definitely want a head start in my Actuarial career!)

The Aptitude Test Workbook (Need to get that edge for my dream graduate job)

Lots of Love,

Xing Lee Jiao

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Useless Causes III: Fat Acceptance

Fat chicks are continuing to develop egos far greater to their physical value entitles them to. One reason for this, is the Fat acceptance movement.

Fat acceptance is the new joke that allows fatties to feel as if it’s ok to be fat, instead of making changes and leading a healthier lifestyle.

Fuck self-improvement! It’s completely fine that we have pop singers like Adele, Christina Aguilera and Lady Gaga doing their part to make war pigs rocking chubby flapjacks and muffin tops both acceptance as well as cool.

Yup, also to show this is serious business, fatties have their fatkinis, slut pride parades aka fat slut pride parades and proud fatties wearing clothes made for thin girls. And pretty much an entire media industrial complex allied, in word if not in deed, with the fat pride/acceptance/delusion movement. We really are improving this world and making it so much more healthier with these Useless Causes aren’t we?!

So why is there support for this? Well, think about it from a lard-hearted woman’s perspective, she’s never been the object of desire from anyone from the opposite sex her whole life, often watching the thing good looking girls get what they want, she was probably bullied throughout her schooling years, her university days were empty and left her unfulfilled. But now, this fatty who is often in her 20’s, will relate how she is extremely overweight, but never felt better. The delusional confidence which this fad instills on fatties is completely unworthy. Not only does it not target the root of the problem, it gives entitlement to people who are lazy and unhealthy. Now they have fattitude!

Yup, let’s forget the increased risk of heart disease, type 2 diabetes, cancer, hypertension, stroke, liver disease, sleep apnea, osteoarthritis, high cholesterol for fatties, let’s remain fat and try to get all the fringe benefits that slim people get without having to work for it at all! We can have our cake and eat it (Literally!)

College Culture

In the US, the college culture is so vastly different to what we have in Australia.
Before actually spending some time at a US University, I didn’t realise how much more fun I’d have, had I chosen to pursue education in the US after high school.

Life after high school attains a  mythic status for many students in Australia. Growing up watching US TV shows and movies about college, it carves a blissful expectation for Australian students entering University so they can enjoy “the best time of their lives”. It probably is the best part of many peoples lives in Australia, but since the average passive Australian life would probably be a shade of what many people get to experience throughout the world it isn’t saying much

The sad reality is that, in Australia the culture is lot more tame compared to anything in the US. Since the majority of students in the large universities in Australia don’t live on campus, most will have a noticable divide between their social and university lives. In the US, this is less of an issue.

Now, of course, Australia has a very accessible tertiary education system but I’m sure many students would know that they missed out on the “full college experience” by attending an Australian University. Even in the Ivy league schools, the kids seemed to be smashing 4.0 GPAs and still partying harder than anything I’ve seen in Australia.

On top of that, the quality in general of US education is very strong. I’d say the public ivies would definitely have more recognition than anything in Australia, including The University of Melbourne.

Now, not everything is perfect in the US either, you still have your odd Career Kids, FOBs, Worrying Whingers & Feminazi Loser, but most kids find their place and bond well within their niche.