Inside The University of Melbourne

Montreal, Canada
Early 2014

I swiftly trudged through the winter snow, walking to my apartment. It was cold, dreary and dark. Shivering as I took off my coat, I contemplated what warm weather my friends back in Australia were experiencing.

Tired after endless partying the last few days, I was in no mood to go out on this Saturday night.

As I lied in my bed succumbing to the prospect of a night-in, a sudden realisation struck me, I gathered that I simply could not waste my last Saturday in Montreal lying in bed. The looming depression of returning to Melbourne the following week urged me to get up, shower and prepare to hit the town.

I called my French friend, Pierre, who suggested I join him at a bar that he described as “Amazing” when it came to quality that night.

Pierre was a Parisian living in Montreal, his intense work hours in Paris lead him to move overseas and start working in a new field. His sarcasm and thick French accent made him a great guy to hang out with in Montreal. These days, most people begin to get boring quickly but his stories always brought great entertainment and kept me laughing perpetually.

At the bar I met a short French girl with a lip piercing. She was very attractive and after expressing to her that I was a foreigner she ordered rounds of shots for both of us, after taking it she swiftly kissed me and whispered in her noticeable French accent “Australian’s are fun”. I lead her to a couch where we sat away from the bar.

After spending another fifteen minutes bantering I realised how boring she was, visibly getting disinterested she asked me “Am I boring you?”

“Oh most definitely not, you’re really exciting, do go on, please do!” I replied sarcastically

She paused then giggled it off

“How about we go for a walk” I suggested, while leading her hand towards the exit.

She complied.

My French friend, busy working away on a girl himself winked as I past him on the way out.

As we begun walking out, her phone went off, and it was one of her friends, she sounded excited over the phone and after hanging up she says “Sorry, my friends have a surprise for me, I have to go!”.

Disappointed, we exchange numbers in the hope of meeting up later that night. My expectations were low.

I went back in the bar and noticed my friend was now drinking alone, we both updated each other and surprisingly he also had an incident of the girl leaving mid-conversation.

We both left the bar and headed out to another venue, a mere 5 minute walk away.

My first few approaches in the new bar didn’t go far. Then I noticed my friend making out with a hipster-looking girl. I couldn’t give up now. I scouted the room looking around for a girl who is open to being approached.

There was nothing, I was swiftly losing hope and was ready to make the walk back home. As I was about to leave I noticed a tall, dark-haired Russian girl who looked quite relaxed chatting with two female friends. I went and talked to her, luckily her friends weren’t epic cockblockers and were not too disruptive. After cockblocked horrendously in Toronto this was a welcome surprise. It turned this girl lived in Sydney for 6 months and loves Australia. Her vibe was warm, often teaching me words in Russian and holding strong eye contact. I asked her to come to the bar with me to grab a drink but more so to get her away from her friends.

On the walk to the bar, I looked around noticed my Pierre had disappeared, I was hoping to do the same.

After a round of drinks, she seemed quite receptive to my touch and getting physically closer. I went for the kiss and let her do the rest. We talked a bit more and then asked if she wants to go to another bar. After saying bye to her friends I thought to myself “Hmm.. screw this let’s just fast forward it”

“Hey, you know, I’m staying nearby, you want to drop by my apartment and listen to some music?” I asked.

“Um.. Ok” she said with slight hesitation.

“We can have a drink there instead” I replied with a smirk.

Whilst walking back to my apartment, I felt the vibration from my phone, the short girl from earlier texted me.

“Hey, you still out? Come meet me at _____ (Name of a nearby bar)”

I don’t respond.

Once in my apartment, the thought of listening to tunes disappears, luckily it turns out this Russian girl is quite the minx, throwing me on my bed and taking my pants off within minutes. She had a slim, pale body with long legs and a giant appetite for sex. She loved to be dominated and this turned me on. I could tell this girl really knew how to please a man.

Whilst whispering dirty words in Russian during sex I kept hearing vibrations from my phone, I tried not to think about what they could be in relation to.

“That was… incredible!” she declared, before she lied down and took a quick nap.

While she napped I read through the texts from the other girl.

There were a few.

“Hey, you still out?”

“Where are you?”

“Come to _____ (Bar name)”

“Let’s have drinks at my place”

The prospect of a second girl forced me to quickly think of an excuse to get the Russian girl to leave. I walked to my bathroom and faked a phone conversation with a “Friend”, once I walked back I explained to the Russian girl that my friend was quite drunk and needs my help, “I have to head out now”.

She offered to come with me but I insisted she should just head home instead. She definitely believed me and ended up walking home after exchanging some deep kisses with me.

After leading the Russian girl out, I called the other one.

“Hey, where are you?” I asked

“I’m at home, you?” she replied

“Um.. I had to come home for something, but I’ll come meet up with you”

“Ok, I’ll text you my address!”

After texting me details of her residence I begin the walk in the cold snow to her place, I think to myself, “God, this has got to be the easiest night in a while, I really don’t want to go back to Melbourne” The depressing thought of returning home just clouded my mind the entire walk. Back to entitled slores, back to horrible female attitudes, back to sausage fested clubs with thirsty men giving ugly girls validation and egos. I had to force myself to regroup and think about the mission at hand instead.

Once arriving, she immediately lead me into the bedroom and we got down to business. I’d say the Russian was a 9 in Sexual ability and this girl was around a 3. She just didn’t turn me on as much, and her blowjobs just didn’t compare, who knows, less experience maybe?

After the deed was done she poured me a drink and opened up about her family, friends and life in Montreal. Girls really do open up after sex, you can almost ask the anything then, great phenomenon. Turns out she was a student originally from Bordeaux who was spending a semester in Montreal, being away from the prying eyes of her local friends and family clearly means she’s down for some regular random dick. She lacked the warmth and femininity of the Russian girl earlier.

It was late, and I was tired. I contemplated leaving but she asked me to stay as she wanted to cuddle to sleep, I still felt like leaving but her puppy dog eyes and the cold weather outside made me stay. I told her we can go out for breakfast in the morning.

I woke up and noticed a boasting text from Pierre. “+1 Slammed! How did you go?”

I responded with “+2 Russian and French, Hahaha!”

I put my phone down and thought to myself , thank god I didn’t stay at home last night before going back to sleep.