Inside The University of Melbourne

Helsinki, Finland
Early 2014.

After an all-night ferry party from Stockholm to Helsinki, I was depleted and couldn’t wait to check into my apartment for a huge nap.

After rejuvenating, I took a walk through the city to get a taste of the local talent. Finnish girls were naturally pretty possessing blonde hair, blue eyes and pale skin. However, they definitely did not appear feminine, dressing very sloppy and often looking like they spent a total of 30 seconds on their grooming collectively in the last fortnight. They also had weird haircuts that looked more scary than attractive as well as excessive tattoos which lead me to think some girls were mutated.

I approached a few locals and begun asking around for good night spots. I noticed the women here were pretty dull, friendly but very “cookie-cutter” they lacked the excitement and engagement of other countries. Since I was only spending a week here I wasn’t too worried.

After racking up a list of places to check out for the week, I went back to my apartment and plotted out the best nights to visit each venue. My week seemed pretty filled during each night.

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I had two venues to check out on my first night, both of which were suggested to me multiple times by locals and judging from the online comments, I was feeling pretty confident of getting my Finnish flag on the first night in Helsinki.

The first venue was a basic bar with a small dance floor, I was rolling solo this week unlike Montreal (Which occurred after this) so I had to psyche myself up and get into the social mood. I talked to a few random girls in order to get into the mood, one of which seemed very interested, commenting on my foreign accent and appearance. Her friends weren’t cock-blocking and were openly flirting with many guys in the venue.
After spending time in Stockholm, I knew all about The Law of Jante and had to hold back on my usual game. It was difficult, I felt like I was purposely sandbagging myself  and appearing boring in order to make progress. In Australia or the US, that would’ve been a notch-killer but here it seemed to be working. This girl started talking about how people cared too much about the way they dress and basically tried to justify the sloppy dress sense most of the girls in Helsinki had. I knew there was no point trying to get into some debate with her so I just agreed and nodded, whilst touching her. I had seen guys getting blown out in Stockholm, due to being outspoken and learnt rather swiftly that being boring like a piece of cardboard was the way to go in Scandinavia.

This girl continued to go on her random rants and criticisms of the modern world, many of which I could’ve commented towards as I didn’t agree on most her rants but knowing the people in Scandinavia being so sensitive to opposing viewpoints, I kept quite by changing topics or making very generic remarks.  We kissed under an hour (Slow by Scandinavian standards, I know) and I suggested that we go check out another venue. Now, there’s a couple of reasons I wanted to do this, first of all, to get her away from her friends, who although weren’t cock blockers could end up costing me the notch in the event this girl feels the need to “look after” one of them later on in the night as they get further intoxicated. The second reason is that I wanted to check out this other venue so I could see what the talent was like before I visit it again later on in the week. Her friends didn’t really care about us heading elsewhere (Thank you Scandinavian culture!).

After entering the new venue, the girl and I grabbed a round of shots before dancing. Judging from her continual grinding against my crouch I could see she was pretty horny and down. I was still feeling pretty tired from the night before and honestly wanted to get the bang sooner rather than later. I walked her out of the club and to my apartment, for a “quick drink and some music”, she didn’t object.

Once we were in there was no resistance at all, she was a lot more aggressive in the privacy of my apartment. The sex was decent, very physical and rough. After banging twice on the couch she fell asleep. I took a close look at her, she looked like she was in a deep sleep so I decided not to wake her. I walked back to my bedroom and fell asleep in an instant only to find her next to me when I woke up in the early hours of the morning.

When I woke up later that morning, she was already dressed and ready to head home. She asked me not to get up and grabbed her stuff and made her way out.

Finnish flag captured.

Although I got my flag I didn’t really feel satisfied. I felt the need to continue to slay slores throughout the week.

The remainder of the week was rather cold. I got further success on the back-end of my stay in Helsinki but the high cost of living and horrible weather enticed me to stay in and relax.

It’s no surprise that most of the girls in Scandinavia lack femininity despite genetically possessing very desirable aesthetics. The culture of equality and cock-riding in your youth appears to have worked well for girls who are willing to spread their legs to random men with such ease. Being a foreigner who wasn’t staying long in town didn’t seem to change a thing, their openness at sex is a positive characteristic if you’re looking to slay some decent poon without substantial effort.