Inside The University of Melbourne

How do you discuss old flames and exes with your current girl?

I was in London to bring in the new year and a friend brought it up to me..

Imagine you are on a second or third date with a girl. The topic of exes is finally raised. You
start talking about your relationship history briefly, not too in-depth, obviously. I’ll mention Lisa,
say I screwed up and she pushed me away, and that it took me a while to get over it, but when I
did, I reached out to be friends and she shunned me. I won’t be bitter when I say this. Do I not
look like a perfect gentleman and the type of person she wouldn’t mind having for an ex someday?
Studies show that girls judge you based on how you speak about your ex. If I can show that I
think generally neutral things about Lisa, and that I behaved like a good person during it all,
it makes me look innately better than someone who is bitter, jealous, or worse yet, a complete
ass hole. “We broke up and I was like fuck that bitch I’m never talking to her again” doesn’t make
you look good in a new girl’s eyes.

Your general premise, that you should come on looking like a good guy, requires special tact. You can
demonstrate your gentlemanly demeanour in many other ways, but priority in speaking of exes should be to affirm that you have had good relationships in the past, but carry no drama or baggage. Regardless of the reality, when you mention that a past girlfriend shunned you as both a lover and a friend, girls will interpret this as you being a loser who is probably not over his ex, NOT as a nice gentleman.

We both know this is unfair and not true, but that is the reality of how girls think. Of course I completely agree that if any type of bitterness seeps out towards an ex, that also gives off a “baggage” and “spiteful asshole” vibe. So my standard strategy is, if she brings up exes too soon I’ll just crack a joke like “I had to break up with my last girlfriend because she wasn’t rich enough.” One joke is enough because after a few dates it will seem like you are hiding something. When you have to seriously broach the subject, its best to remain vague about details, and you absolutely do not have to lie.

For example, Sara dumped me. I do not explicitly say this. I say “I had a serious girlfriend in college but we broke up because long-distance relationships don’t work. Its tough to be hours away from someone you care about. Plus I hate talking on the phone”.

Girls rarely press further, its almost rude for them to ask “who dumped who?”.

Complete full disclosure is not your best move.
Just by not talking shit about exes, you come out looking good.

Also note that any admission that a girl flat out rejected you is not likely to be met with open legs or an open heart, doesn’t matter if your goal is a one night stand or a one life stand. You can look like a good guy without looking like you got punk’d.
You never shit talk an ex to another girl.

When people hear a relationship conflict, they instinctively take the side of their sex.

Telling a story about how much of a bitch your ex is will make you look bad, not her.
Also: Only show new girls pictures where your ex looks hot. If a girl thinks your ex is hotter than her, it will raise up that anxiety.