As a man, you’re expected to protect, love and care of a woman, at times resulting in your own suffering.
But what happens when the woman you’re putting all this energy into, is the one causing you indefinite amounts of pain? What do you do? Do you turn on her and call her out on the pain she’s giving you?
Or maybe you persevere in the hope that things will improve and will be back to where it was previously.
Or perhaps, you realised that she’s Damaged Goods that simply isn’t worth loving anymore.
When a man leaves a damaged woman, he’s shamed for it, called selfish.
“You left her when she needed you, you selfish bastard!”
Yet when a woman leaves a damaged man (Which most women are attracted to), she’s praised
“You go girl, you deserve better!”
They say, “You’re the average of the five people you spend the most time around”, now if your partner is one and suffers from episodes of manic depression and emotional instability, think about how quickly that average will be brought down. Yet people persevere for years upon years, hoping and wishing for things to return to where they were, and in the process, becoming lesser versions of themselves. The bitterness of being a shadow of your former self is one that’s hard to swallow and resentment towards the partner only grows, until you become so damaged that eventually it makes sense to split.
COVID was an interesting period. I came across numerous individuals that went through nasty divorces and splits during the lockdowns. So many issues that were often brushed under the rug or drowned out by the noise of day-to-day life were now under the spotlight. Sharing space with someone you were resenting became so much harder without an escape route every day.
A friend of mine recently caught up with talking about how his ex-wife is now going through the same issues that he faced during his marriage with her new partner. A part of me wondered if “Damaged” individuals can ever recover to a state in which they are able to sustain healthy relationships. Or just require someone who is willing to put up the problems until they cannot anymore. Being a cynic, I realise people don’t often fully change, and it’s generally just incremental changes at most and even that becomes more difficult with age.
So, if you’re in a difficult phase with someone Damaged, consider the usual routes like Couples counselling, or a well-calculated break as means to try to address the issues at hand but don’t feel bad about calling it quits when nothing works. Often, it’s women that do the leaving, but Men shouldn’t feel too guilty in doing the same. Just think, would you want to put up with this for another 10, 20, 30 years?
Inside The University of Melbourne 