Inside The University of Melbourne

Think about all the things that made you who you are. The years of character building experiences. The way you were raised. The way people treated you. The way you perceive yourself. These all culminate into creating who you are now.

I always wonder if people do change.

Do they?

Well, I think sometimes you have life altering experiences or trauma that can change you permanently. Weather its a near-death experience, or something like a loss of someone close to you, these can leave you a different person.

But what about character “Flaws”.

Well, these are a bit harder, the deeper you get into your life, the harder it becomes to change. You get more in-tune with yourself and more stubborn. It’s a lot harder to change a 40 year old than a 18 year old.

I was thinking the other day, have I changed much?

Yes, I’ve lived around the globe and experienced so much, but who I am as a person, that’s still fundamentally in-tact. I know of this girl I used to date way back, we always used to fight, always. Ultimately, she was raised in a family where she had absent parents and constantly needed attention. I was early in my Banking career and was fairly focused on work. It was just mayhem, despite her being in University whilst I was working 70-80 hour weeks regularly, the nagging would not stop, literally, never.

Oh, you bought me a gift? But your handwriting on the card looks messy.
You worked 3 80 hour weeks back to back didn’t organise three dates this week? You don’t care!
You didn’t drive 45 kms from the other end of the city in the opposite direction to your house in peak hour traffic to pick me up from my workplace? You selfish prick!

And that for me was a pretty pathetic relationship, besides the constant bangs, there was nothing in it for me. A leftover skank that had ridden the carousel, with a naggy attitude. So I wore that out, dumped a ton of creampies into her, and discarded her like the 20 odd guys before me.

Then a few years later, whilst abroad, another invisible child. Parents are an ATM machine that give no love. And here comes the problems, nag about this and that and so on. I knew this was one of those so I cut my losses and ended it fast.

It got easier and easier to identify the ones that I would have problems with, I just spoke a different love language, wasn’t into neediness and had expectations. They unfortunately never met them, so no hard feelings.

But did I change much? No, I noticed I just struggle with girls that weren’t raised by loving parents who gave them attention. The expectations of their partner seemed excessive, and of course I got heaps of attention when I was younger so it felt unnatural to me to be that missing “father figure” to them. Some people love it (See them creeper old dudes pulling off their ddlg kink for example).

With experience, I got to know myself better.

But did I change, in what works for me? Definitely not.

Ambition and Safety are the two opposites that factor into many career choices. Given the stage of your career and life, answers to which one you should prioritise will differ.

Ambition (Wealth):
Say you’ve just graduated from University or are in that 1–5-year range of commencing your first full-time role, you most likely have all the motivation in the world as the corporate grind hasn’t worn you down just yet. The corporate “perks” still seem like a novelty and furthering yourself through “learning and development opportunities” and “growing your CV” are probably factors that feature high up on your career agenda.

For this stage, ambition is perfect, go on, slave out that role in Investment Banking for a few years, do the equivalent of 8 years of work in 4 years and leverage those skills to find a “cushier” job once you’re ready, or ride up the ladder and stick it out until you no longer want to.

I’ve also come across people who choked hard after university then managed to cover it up with some better roles a few years in, most of these types had a major chip on their shoulder as they struggled to land anything decent straight out the gate and felt the need to prove themselves, so they did, just years later compared to everyone else.

Upsides:

• You’re wanted and in demand in many more companies across different geographies and industries.
• Financially you’ll likely be able to command much better remuneration, if not already, then in the future.
• Pivoting into less demanding roles and industries is much easier than vice-versa, you’ll have a solid work ethic and your expectations of yourself will be a lot higher compared to those around you if you decide to take a step back.
• The network you build will be with some of the most accomplished people you know. This becomes much more important later as you can get a lot of “favours” from the right people.

Downsides:

• You will work like a dog and potentially lose some of the best years of your life slaving away late into the night and working weekends.
• All that stress will very likely impact your health, especially considering you’ll struggle to sleep well and wake up in the middle of the night thinking of work.
• Aging is a real tragedy when you work a job that you always need to be “switched on” for.
• Work becoming such a huge part of your life will take a toll on your personal life, many relationships die because one or both parties aren’t able to put in the time, effort, and commitment required to maintain them.

Safety (Health):

Perhaps you’ve done your years slaving it out in Banking, Consulting, or in a top-tier Technology company where you’ve made a bit of bank and cashed out your stock options. The burn it took on your health started to add up and you’re looking for a more cruisey role so you can at least enjoy some time outside of work or focus on relationships/family/hobbies. It would make perfect sense at this stage to prioritise Safety.

However, some people, finish university and do this from the start, sometimes by choice, other times through necessity. There’s nothing wrong with this at all, but to coast from Day 1, when you could do so much more, one must wonder where all that extra energy goes?

The upsides and downsides are basically the opposite of what was written earlier. Less money, more time, better health, lazier network, harder to pivot careers/move abroad, and potential for better social and personal life.

I remember coming across this quote from the Dalai Lama which I feel is relevant to this discussion:

The Dalai Lama, when asked what surprised him most about humanity, answered “Man! Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived.”

So consider wisely..

Girls love to be guided by someone who knows what they are doing.

You’ll bond over the shared experience.

She’ll love recognizing your status over her.

She’ll tingle by submitting to your instruction.

She’ll get good vibes and feel good as she improves.

You’ll display yourself as a man with power over his environment.

A man should have a few things he has mastery over, or at the very least a far greater understanding of than the average girl.

Teach her.

Remember: It’s not about how good of a teacher you are, or how much she actually learns. It’s about the experience. Also note: If you’re teaching something physical, there’s plenty of opportunity to touch her. So, do it.

There’s a reason ‘guy teaches girl how to shoot pool’ is a Hollywood classic: The shit works. I think a guy really should have some basic pool skill if only for this reason alone. Great second date idea.

Other ideas:

If you have a not-too-boring job, teach her something basic you do at work. Roleplay if it involves social interaction.

Most modern women can’t cook, so teach her a new recipe at your place.

Teach her to throw a spiral or a baseball or shoot hoops. Any sports skill is good. Girls look so cute when they’re failing at athletics.

Teach her pressure points or other peculiarities of the human body.

Show her how to do her job or homework. I’ve helped girls write cover letters and resumes with  great results. Boring? No, because I embed teasing in the fake cover letter like “I’m Julie and you should hire me because I have long shiny hair and I’m only semi-annoying”

Be creative. Have fun with it.

If you don’t have skills to teach, your first task is to acquire some skills.

Back to discussing something actually related to The University of Melbourne for once.

I come across so many students or new graduates that are obsessed with making the move abroad. I get it, I did it myself as a good opportunity came up. But there’s always a few considerations that I’d recommend people to explore before jumping on the bandwagon.

• Where does it fit in with your overall plan?

So going abroad to work is beneficial, it’s exciting, you work with different people from different cultures and you get exposure to so many new areas that you may not have gotten back in Australia.

Consider these:

Are you taking a big pay cut for this?

• We all work for money, taking a pay cut for a year or two isn’t the worst thing if you’re enriching yourself through experiences and exposure, but longer term, if you have aspirations to buy property, invest, start a family one day, it might be worthwhile to remember there is an end point to all this.

Are you potentially hurting your prospects back home once you return?

• Big one, Australia being a migration hot spot values local experience over overseas experience, since every Tom, Dinh and Habib has worked in random gigs in bottom tier shitholes before finding a better life in Australia, you don’t want to be classed alongside them once you’re back

Will you gain skills and experience that you’ll be able to market later or is this just an extended vacation?

• Working in Silicon Valley, New York and Hong Kong is incredible, working in expat hot spots with similar like-minded folk that are at the tip of their industry is probably more likely to be a CV-boost or neutraliser, but working in Mexico City or some other random exotic place will definitely give you a lot of experiences and skills, but marketing them is another concern. If you’re just after having fun and partying, then maybe go to those exotic places on a sabbatical rather than take a trash gig and doing multiple years undoing the hard work you’ve done building yourself up in your own country.

• What stage are of life are you in?

Basically, how old are you. If you’re 24, with a few years of experience under your belt, a couple of years doing a mundane gig in South East Asia whilst you slay puss, travel and party won’t do you too much harm, just re-build for a year or so once you’re back in Australia and then you’ll be OK.

However, if you’re in your 30’s and doing the same, with the level of commitments that you’ll have then in the prime of your working life it just doesn’t add up. The opportunity cost will be high and recovering from those types of career hits are a lot harder the deeper in you are.

• What comes after?

Do you plan to come back and pick up where you left off? Change paths? Although even for me, the plans changed so much over the years, at least have a hazy end goal in mind so you have some direction.

It’s easy to fall into the trap of being so deep into the hedonistic pleasures experienced abroad that you just lose yourself, and then if/when the party ends, you’re washed up without much hope once you’re back.

I would say living overseas is and continues to be one of the best things that ever happened to me, it relaxed me from the poison of Melbourne and gave me perspectives that allowed me to mature and gain independence by leaving my comfort zone.

Definitely something I would recommend.

It’s incredible, more than five years can pass and you can remember some people with such strong feelings but a few days can pass and you won’t remember that slore you slammed out in a public toilet cubicle over the weekend.