Category Archives: Straight talk

Do people really change?

Think about all the things that made you who you are. The years of character building experiences. The way you were raised. The way people treated you. The way you perceive yourself. These all culminate into creating who you are now.

I always wonder if people do change.

Do they?

Well, I think sometimes you have life altering experiences or trauma that can change you permanently. Weather its a near-death experience, or something like a loss of someone close to you, these can leave you a different person.

But what about character “Flaws”.

Well, these are a bit harder, the deeper you get into your life, the harder it becomes to change. You get more in-tune with yourself and more stubborn. It’s a lot harder to change a 40 year old than a 18 year old.

I was thinking the other day, have I changed much?

Yes, I’ve lived around the globe and experienced so much, but who I am as a person, that’s still fundamentally in-tact. I know of this girl I used to date way back, we always used to fight, always. Ultimately, she was raised in a family where she had absent parents and constantly needed attention. I was early in my Banking career and was fairly focused on work. It was just mayhem, despite her being in University whilst I was working 70-80 hour weeks regularly, the nagging would not stop, literally, never.

Oh, you bought me a gift? But your handwriting on the card looks messy.
You worked 3 80 hour weeks back to back didn’t organise three dates this week? You don’t care!
You didn’t drive 45 kms from the other end of the city in the opposite direction to your house in peak hour traffic to pick me up from my workplace? You selfish prick!

And that for me was a pretty pathetic relationship, besides the constant bangs, there was nothing in it for me. A leftover skank that had ridden the carousel, with a naggy attitude. So I wore that out, dumped a ton of creampies into her, and discarded her like the 20 odd guys before me.

Then a few years later, whilst abroad, another invisible child. Parents are an ATM machine that give no love. And here comes the problems, nag about this and that and so on. I knew this was one of those so I cut my losses and ended it fast.

It got easier and easier to identify the ones that I would have problems with, I just spoke a different love language, wasn’t into neediness and had expectations. They unfortunately never met them, so no hard feelings.

But did I change much? No, I noticed I just struggle with girls that weren’t raised by loving parents who gave them attention. The expectations of their partner seemed excessive, and of course I got heaps of attention when I was younger so it felt unnatural to me to be that missing “father figure” to them. Some people love it (See them creeper old dudes pulling off their ddlg kink for example).

With experience, I got to know myself better.

But did I change, in what works for me? Definitely not.

Hoarders Haven

I was doing some cleaning the other day and throwing away old clothes that I haven’t worn in years. I realised how much more stuff I had bought whilst living in Australia compared to other places.

It could potentially be seen as me having more space to store them or a more “permanent” home there. But also, I realised a lot of this was to kill time, given there’s generally not much going on on weekdays in Melbourne, especially after the years of lockdown, the tendency would be to buy stuff online.
Compared to living in Asia and Europe where people would often be out after work and have the option to actually be out and do things, you simply don’t have the time to be couped up in your room watching Netflix after dinner most week nights, since there are other options to spend your time.

On top of that, there’s this culture that exists in Australia, similar to the US, of just constantly buying the latest and greatest to fill out space. Latest gadgets? Check. Latest furniture? Check. A new Weber Barbeque? Check. A new road bike with a custom seat? You bet.
I’m sure most people who have worked a Corporate gig in Australia realise that the water cooler banter revolves heavily around purchases and boasting about the latest one.

A “Bunnings run” and a “Kmart run” is now rivaling similar levels of popularity to the famous “Maccas run”.

Yet despite living in a culture of constant consumerism and material purchases, the environment and sustainability are key political topics for most Australians as we saw in the recent elections. I hope we see a change in trends and behaviour rather than be riddled with hypocrisy. But in all honesty, I’d expect nothing less in Melbourne.

Career Choices: Health Vs. Wealth

Ambition and Safety are the two opposites that factor into many career choices. Given the stage of your career and life, answers to which one you should prioritise will differ.

Ambition (Wealth):
Say you’ve just graduated from University or are in that 1–5-year range of commencing your first full-time role, you most likely have all the motivation in the world as the corporate grind hasn’t worn you down just yet. The corporate “perks” still seem like a novelty and furthering yourself through “learning and development opportunities” and “growing your CV” are probably factors that feature high up on your career agenda.

For this stage, ambition is perfect, go on, slave out that role in Investment Banking for a few years, do the equivalent of 8 years of work in 4 years and leverage those skills to find a “cushier” job once you’re ready, or ride up the ladder and stick it out until you no longer want to.

I’ve also come across people who choked hard after university then managed to cover it up with some better roles a few years in, most of these types had a major chip on their shoulder as they struggled to land anything decent straight out the gate and felt the need to prove themselves, so they did, just years later compared to everyone else.

Upsides:

  • You’re wanted and in demand in many more companies across different geographies and industries.
  • Financially you’ll likely be able to command much better remuneration, if not already, then in the future.
  • Pivoting into less demanding roles and industries is much easier than vice-versa, you’ll have a solid work ethic and your expectations of yourself will be a lot higher compared to those around you if you decide to take a step back.
  • The network you build will be with some of the most accomplished people you know. This becomes much more important later as you can get a lot of “favours” from the right people.

Downsides:

  • You will work like a dog and potentially lose some of the best years of your life slaving away late into the night and working weekends.
  • All that stress will very likely impact your health, especially considering you’ll struggle to sleep well and wake up in the middle of the night thinking of work.
  • Aging is a real tragedy when you work a job that you always need to be “switched on” for.
  • Work becoming such a huge part of your life will take a toll on your personal life, many relationships die because one or both parties aren’t able to put in the time, effort, and commitment required to maintain them.

Safety (Health):

Perhaps you’ve done your years slaving it out in Banking, Consulting, or in a top-tier Technology company where you’ve made a bit of bank and cashed out your stock options. The burn it took on your health started to add up and you’re looking for a more cruisey role so you can at least enjoy some time outside of work or focus on relationships/family/hobbies. It would make perfect sense at this stage to prioritise Safety.

However, some people, finish university and do this from the start, sometimes by choice, other times through necessity. There’s nothing wrong with this at all, but to coast from Day 1, when you could do so much more, one must wonder where all that extra energy goes?

The upsides and downsides are basically the opposite of what was written earlier. Less money, more time, better health, lazier network, harder to pivot careers/move abroad, and potential for better social and personal life.

I remember coming across this quote from the Dalai Lama which I feel is relevant to this discussion:

The Dalai Lama, when asked what surprised him most about humanity, answered “Man! Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived.”

So consider wisely..

Advice I would give to students today

It’s been a while since I finished school and university, and in that time things have changed drastically. We’ve gone to just about every school using personal laptops, we’ve been forced to adapt to remote learning due to the pandemic, and what used to be abnormal, is now normalised.

Here are a few pieces of advice in no particular order I’d give to students today.

  • Don’t just rock up to class and leave
    • Don’t be like everyone else that just simply turns up to class, zones out, then leaves. If you really care about topics, make that time to speak to teachers, tutors and do some background research and express your views on the findings.
  • Balance out useful subjects with easy electives
    • Everyone knows breadth/elective subjects are largely a joke. I’d recommend taking easy subjects when you have semesters that you know that will have a tough time, but also don’t be afraid to put in the time to take on something useful when you’re able to. Some of the skills you’ll pick up might actually come in handy in the future. I’ve had a few friends take coding subjects as electives and now the type of work they do is more focused on that rather than what they actually majored in.
  • Embrace the student life
    • As someone that blazed through a 3 year undergraduate degree and ended up in the world of banking and consulting, I do look back at the whirlwind that was University. It’s a great space of time in your life where you’ll have the time to pursue hobbies, build great friends and learn. Enjoy it, it probably won’t come around in the same form again.
  • Keep in touch with people after graduating
    • Friendships and networks are like plants, they need watering and maintenence for them to keep growing. So instead of slowly losing touch with everyone once you hit the real world, make the effort to maintain connections with people. Go on that coffee catch up or lunch meet up. Don’t be afraid of being the person to follow up on unreplied messages. I can assure you that there’s been so many times where someone I know has ended up introducing me to other people that have been really beneficial for me both on a personal, profesional or social level.
  • Don’t be afraid of the real world
    • So many students (Commerce students in particular..) are so fearful that they will not find a job after University. There’s no real need to be afraid. People I know that struggled after university and did basic jobs for a year or so managed to find something more meaningful and climb the ladder just as fast as someone that got straight into a graduate program. Everyone has their own pace, so don’t be afraid to struggle at the beginning because there’s many paths to achieveing success.

Although the above is not an exhaustive list. I would encourage students to take some of these tips onboard. Hindsight is a valuable tool so always be open to hearing other peoples advice and making the choice as to weather you would think it would be beneficial for you to adopt.

Generation Lockdown

I was doing a bit of mentoring work with a group of students over the past few months. I thought it would be a nice way to learn more about the challenges that students face these days and give back the things I’ve learnt through experience over the years.

Here are a few things I noticed in my interactions with them:

  • Everyone is hyper PC these days

Now I know as society moves further and further to the left this is expected, but honestly it felt like these students were so careful about the words they used, weather it be LGTBQ+, or discussion the “traditional owners of the land” or a comment around darker skin colours.

Now I get it, we’re all only allowed to express opinions when it complies with the social norms of society and there’s no safe space to speak openly about how you truly feel unless its to very close people whom you trust but I felt for these guys. I’m sure the thicker skin my generation developed is being well eroded into the more herbified final product of today.

  • The sacrifices of lockdown

Everyone hated morning lectures, or last minute all nighters to get assignments done, but those experience coupled with the campus where you bumped into people and made excellent friends for life, they were the bits of University life most people remember. The COVID generation are instead going into Zoom lectures, dozing off and becoming social recluses through no fault of their own.

The social experience of university being heavily compromised sucks, and I’m sure many will use that FOMO and potentially travel or stretch their degrees out to get a “complete” social experience of being a student.

  • The fear amongst students regarding the future

COVID showed us how quickly the economy can crash then restart. One day its doom then slowly the market regains confidence and booms. Now with migration largely on hold until 2022 many graduating students will be going into a job market which will have fewer international students and low-level workers to compete with. For more experienced workers, this has been a godsend where they have been able to find more lucrative roles and negotiate salaries that they probably wouldn’t have been offered without the pandemic.

However, as with most students, there’s a fear of graduating and not finding appropriate work. Everyone has that, and it’s a valid concern. Although in hindsight, I think most individuals that continually push themselves, upskill and try, will be offered the opportunities to succeed in a place like Australia, most of these younger folk – they simply struggle with that idea.

So, what do they do? They go hard and try to overcompensate. The number of times I’ve had first year students asking me to review their CV has been rather surprising, especially when they can’t even apply for vacation work for another year.

I do honestly think things will improve, and return to some level of normality. A good comparison would be to the generation that graduated into the GFC. They eventually turned out alright in most cases..

Dream On

I noticed the other day; I was thinking back to thoughts that I had as a teenager in High School. So many ambitions, so many goals, I always dared to dream.

But in the back of my mind, those were just dreams, I always knew that they required a lot of hard work. I regularly doubted if I was good enough to achieve them but my fear of failure was the drive that I needed to keep myself going. Was it the best fuel for goals? Probably not, but it worked for me, at the expense of other areas of course.

Now with the value of hindsight, I can look back and comfortably say that all those larger goals I had back then, I’ve been able to tick off.

The teenage version of me would be proud, but the version of me that exists today, it has adjusted in a manner where it becomes almost expected. But I look at my targets for the future and hope that I can reach those in a similar manner. Because those for me are even more challenging than the ones I have achieved thus far, but the only difference now is that I stopped and looked back and gained the confidence in knowing that I have a track record of achievement.

It’s funny how the treadmill of life works sometimes.

Does it matter which University you attend?

I swear, I hear this question so much, especially amongst high school and university students.

In short, the answer is: Yes.

But the caveat to it is: It varies.

I take this from a Bachelor of Commerce perspective, since that is what I studied.

First of all, there should not be any reason why you should not aim to get the best High school results possible and aim to get into your first preference. But however, life doesn’t always go that way.

Does that mean your life is over?

No, not at all.

Can you still work in competitive fields like Consulting or Investment Banking? Yeah, it’s possible still, but harder.

Why harder? Generally, with any type of mass recruitment at junior levels, the first round of culling usually depends on how well well-rounded application you submit. Well rounded? Well, that’s one with solid grades and strong extracurriculars. Since thousands of students are applying, it’s usually the students from the top universities that make it through since they are often the ones that put in the time and energy to research the roles, and craft an application that stands out.

So, getting through that first round, I think it helps to go to a Top educational institution. If you didn’t get into one, you can always work hard and transfer into one after doing a year at another university.

But also, I’ve seen numerous lateral hires into top tier consulting and banking roles, some of them went to “less respected” Universities, worked themselves up and ended up being laterally hired into more senior roles. So, it’s definitely possible, but regardless, both approaches require a lot of hard work.

There are always numerous routes to get to an end goal, and just because the first route didn’t work out doesn’t necessarily mean you should give up. You could even work a few years, then do a Masters program at a more prestigious university either locally or abroad and then try your luck, I’ve had many acquaintances go down this path and achieve great success.

So tl;dr – Does it matter which University you attend?  As a Commerce undergraduate student, Yes, it matters to a degree for certain professions. But there are other options to get to your goal. All options require hard work.

For other degrees like IT, or Health related ones, it matters less. Generally, as there’s demand and growth in those sectors.

How to lose a guy?

Girls, sit down.

Class is in session.

First, take out a sheet of paper and write 100 times:

My flaws are never clearer to a man than after the first time he has sex with me.
My flaws are never clearer to a man than after the first time he has sex with me.
My flaws are never clearer to a man than after the first time he has sex with me.

Men don’t want it to be this way. A guy doesn’t choose to be less attracted to a girl. That doesn’t matter.

See, before sex a man thinks with his dick.

He is thinking of all your positive qualities and why he wants to fuck you.

He is conquest driven.

He doesn’t consciously acknowledge or think of your flaws.

After that first sweet sexual release, a man is forced to use his brain to evaluate you for the first time. Without a hard dick in his way, a man can more easily see a girl’s flaws.

Understanding this one thing about men’s sex drives could save women a ton of heart break: You are always more beautiful and interesting BEFORE we have sex with you.

Girls, your silver lining? Well, the dick has a short attention span. The longer a guy has to wait to have sex with you, the more he is forced to evaluate you using his brain and not his dick.

Guys who would ditch you after that first sex will ditch you just the same if forced to wait long enough. Successful, efficient players even admit to this as a strategy. It’s the three-date rule.

This is tough for women to truly grasp, since that first sex is likely to make them more attracted to the man. Then there’s a lot of waiting by the phone, jumping at every text message and being disappointed when its from your sister. It doesn’t have to be that way.

Of course, girls won’t really take this advice because its the attractive guys who won’t wait, but I’m putting it out there anyway.

HOWEVER, once a guy has seen a girl’s beauty fade over post-coital glow a few too many times, he learns two things

  1. Raise your standards. There is less post-sex attraction drop with hotter girls.
  2. Enjoy, don’t just tolerate, the time you spend with a woman before the first time you guys do it. Its the most you will ever desire her and its the most interesting she’ll ever be to you. Cherish it.

You Date Younger Women Because You’re Insecure

“You just like younger girls because they’re the only ones who fall for your dating tricks! You like them because they are easier to manipulate!”

Let’s cut right to the core:

Feminists say things like this because they hate young, beautiful girls and believe they are all stupid.

Let me tell you something: when it comes to relationship dynamics, girls are wily and smart as

fuck. They play most men like fiddles from age 12 onward. They think about relationships, talk constantly about relationships, and have many social interactions. Whether they want cock, money, attention, or commitment, they know how to get it.

Girls are not stupid, innocent victims.

They are predator, not prey.

Girls of every age are the manipulators far more often than they are the manipulated.

After age 24, women definitely do not get smarter about relationships. Their justifications do get stronger, though, out of necessity. (Besides, this premise is backwards. It is far easier to game older women into bed. They have less options and its likely been longer since they’ve had a good ol’ dicking.)

“You have nothing in common with a girl that young!”

I don’t have anything in common with the girls I’m attracted to, and I like it that way. It’s not a matter of age, it’s a matter of masculine and feminine.

I lift weights, she does yoga.

I order the steak; she orders the salad.

I watch Breaking Bad; she watches The Bachelorette.

I wear a suit; she wears a dress.

I don’t want a girl who sits on the couch watching football and scratching herself, because that’s my thing.

Having too much stuff in common sucks.

Wait, scratch that, I have a few things in common with the young girls I date: we both have high fertility and a deep passion for each other. Good enough for me.

“You date younger girls because you can’t get a girl your own age!”

Young girls being so in demand in the sexual market, any guy that can date one could easily pull an older one, he just doesn’t want to.

“No, really, an older woman would never put up with your shit!”

I won’t put up with her loose skin, baggage and jaded bitterness. Everybody wins!

“When you grow up in different times you have no common experiences to relate to!”

So, if I tell a girl the first CD I bought was Eminem – The Slim Shady LP and she says “Wow, me too! I was also born in 1989 and I also bought that CD in primary school with my chore money!” Is that a feminist’s idea of a good relationship? Conversations like that?

I’ll pass.

“You’re intimidated by a strong, independent woman!”

Replace “intimidated by” with “not attracted to”, and you have the truth.

When it comes to attracting a man, strength, independence and wisdom mean nothing. Youth, beauty and sweetness mean everything. Don’t Lean In.

“Younger girls are inexperienced, you should date someone older who knows what she wants!”

You see how most of the shaming tactics feminists use involve demeaning younger girls?

Young girls know what they want just fine.

Older women know what they want to: They want to be young again.

“Young girls are so immature!”

Age does not equal maturity.

Age can give a woman “maturity” not by virtue, but by NECESSITY:

When nobody is paying your way anymore, you have to work.

When nobody is giving you attention anymore, you stay out of clubs.

When the band won’t let you backstage anymore, you stop loving rock concerts.

Those who know what’s up will know that I wouldn’t not encourage guys to date immature sluts regardless of age.

Just because clubs are packed with sub-24-year-old skanks, that doesn’t mean all sub-24 year olds are club-going skanks.

There are girls who are both young and mature enough for a relationship. A girl who is not marriage material when she is young will never be marriage material.

“What does fertility matter if you’re not having kids with these younger girls?”

First of all, I do want kids.

Second of all, beauty is a proxy for fertility, and that’s what gets the dick hard.

This is really a retarded point so I don’t know why I’m responding to it. It’s like asking a girl

“why have sex if you’re on birth control?”

“You’re just having fun, when you start looking for something serious, you’ll get a girl your own age.”

When I am looking for “something serious”, aka long term commitment and kids, why the fuck would I choose a less fertile girl?

That is actually backwards. It makes far more sense for a younger guy to fuck cougars for a while

and then say “when I’m ready for kids I’ll choose a younger girl”. But I would never recommend such a strategy, because cougars are gross.

A friend of mine did the “girl his own age” thing, now they are 32 and want kids. She is having fertility problems, so they are paying thousands for the turkey baster technique and so far, it hasn’t worked. 32 years old. Think about that. That’s serious, alright: Seriously depressing.

“Women in their thirties are at their sexual peak!”

Bullshit.

Women in their thirties do not have higher sex drives. They have more unfulfillled sex drives. There is a difference. A woman may feel hornier in her thirties because for the first time attractive men aren’t lining up to please her sexually

How’s this for perspective: People who are not given free access to all you can eat buffets are hungrier. If you believe in evolution, then you understand how absurd it would be for a women to be horniest at the time of her life when she is more apt to give birth to retarded children.

“What would you even talk about with a 20 year old?”

The same things I would talk about with a 30 year old, only my conversation partner would be hotter.

Seriously, I do not need to talk about the eighties and early 90’s in order to have a successful conversation.

Flirting and connecting is the same regardless of age.

“Older women are sexy!”

Haha. Good one!

“No, really, I am a woman and I am much better looking now than when I was 19 or 20!”

This can be true… if you are a recovering fattie. Did you recently lose a large amount of weight because you were tired of being caught in harpooner’s crosshairs?

“No, I was never fat, I just grew into my features and I’m much better looking at 27 than I was at 18!”

You’re wrong.

If you want to be taken seriously, provide comparison pictures. I’m not holding my breath.

“But Beyonce/ Salma Hayek/ Jennifer Aniston, etc is still hot!”

She’s overrated.

Take your favourite over 30 female celebrity that the media gushes about. There are at least 20 undergrads your local University that are hotter than her. Some men may deny this, but their boners wouldn’t if given a bedroom test. This is true despite the fact that those old female celebrities are hotter than 99 % of women their age. If there’s no hope for them, there’s certainly no hope for average women.

Bonus: The University girls wouldn’t need expert photoshopping and world-class makeup application to look hot.

“Younger girls have so much drama!”

There are single girls of any age who are drama-prone. I always recommend guys screen out the drama queens. People who say this have a narrow characterization of younger girls. Not all 21 year old girls are in nightclubs crying every weekend. Some of them like to do things like read and spend time with their families.

I’m not trying to convince anyone to pull the girl dancing on the bar into an LTR. Find the diamonds in the rough and say no to drama queens and attention whores.

However, that younger girls are more prone to drama is a testament to their hotness and options.

Or: older women wish they had that much drama.

“You date younger girls for your ego! You just want to brag about it because you’re insecure!”

Men date younger girls because they are hot.

I am against bragging about your sex life, but any sense of well-being a guy gets from dating a young, beautiful, fertile girl is evolutionarily justified.

“Guys who date younger girls are creepy!”

Creepiness is not an age. Some guys who TRY to date younger girls are indeed creepy. Guys who successfully bridge large age gaps are not.

“That’s gross!”

No, it would be gross for a guy to be attracted to old women. Icky!

“So, you expect women to just go away and die when they get older? They have no value on earth?”

I am talking about sexual market value and attractiveness only.

That you think sex is the only measure of female value says more about you than it does about me.

I love my mother, aunts, cousins, etc. They have great value to me. Females are the care givers and supporters of family.

Want to still mean something to somebody when you’re 60? Have kids, and be a devoted wife and mother.

So, there you have it.

I hope this clears things up for the aging fertility-drained, expired cougars who failed to attract a good man, when they were young, and for the bitter snarky herb army who have been invisible to women under 25 for their entire lives. Find solace in each other during this difficult time.

Teach, don’t just Preach

Girls love to be guided by someone who knows what they are doing.

You’ll bond over the shared experience.

She’ll love recognizing your status over her.

She’ll tingle by submitting to your instruction.

She’ll get good vibes and feel good as she improves.

You’ll display yourself as a man with power over his environment.

A man should have a few things he has mastery over, or at the very least a far greater understanding of than the average girl.

Teach her.

Remember: It’s not about how good of a teacher you are, or how much she actually learns. It’s about the experience. Also note: If you’re teaching something physical, there’s plenty of opportunity to touch her. So, do it.

There’s a reason ‘guy teaches girl how to shoot pool’ is a Hollywood classic: The shit works. I think a guy really should have some basic pool skill if only for this reason alone. Great second date idea.

Other ideas:

If you have a not-too-boring job, teach her something basic you do at work. Roleplay if it involves social interaction.

Most modern women can’t cook, so teach her a new recipe at your place.

Teach her to throw a spiral or a baseball or shoot hoops. Any sports skill is good. Girls look so cute when they’re failing at athletics.

Teach her pressure points or other peculiarities of the human body.

Show her how to do her job or homework. I’ve helped girls write cover letters and resumes with  great results. Boring? No, because I embed teasing in the fake cover letter like “I’m Julie and you should hire me because I have long shiny hair and I’m only semi-annoying”

Be creative. Have fun with it.

If you don’t have skills to teach, your first task is to acquire some skills.