Category Archives: Student Profile

Does it matter which University you attend?

I swear, I hear this question so much, especially amongst high school and university students.

In short, the answer is: Yes.

But the caveat to it is: It varies.

I take this from a Bachelor of Commerce perspective, since that is what I studied.

First of all, there should not be any reason why you should not aim to get the best High school results possible and aim to get into your first preference. But however, life doesn’t always go that way.

Does that mean your life is over?

No, not at all.

Can you still work in competitive fields like Consulting or Investment Banking? Yeah, it’s possible still, but harder.

Why harder? Generally, with any type of mass recruitment at junior levels, the first round of culling usually depends on how well well-rounded application you submit. Well rounded? Well, that’s one with solid grades and strong extracurriculars. Since thousands of students are applying, it’s usually the students from the top universities that make it through since they are often the ones that put in the time and energy to research the roles, and craft an application that stands out.

So, getting through that first round, I think it helps to go to a Top educational institution. If you didn’t get into one, you can always work hard and transfer into one after doing a year at another university.

But also, I’ve seen numerous lateral hires into top tier consulting and banking roles, some of them went to “less respected” Universities, worked themselves up and ended up being laterally hired into more senior roles. So, it’s definitely possible, but regardless, both approaches require a lot of hard work.

There are always numerous routes to get to an end goal, and just because the first route didn’t work out doesn’t necessarily mean you should give up. You could even work a few years, then do a Masters program at a more prestigious university either locally or abroad and then try your luck, I’ve had many acquaintances go down this path and achieve great success.

So tl;dr – Does it matter which University you attend?  As a Commerce undergraduate student, Yes, it matters to a degree for certain professions. But there are other options to get to your goal. All options require hard work.

For other degrees like IT, or Health related ones, it matters less. Generally, as there’s demand and growth in those sectors.

The Typical Melbourne Girl (Part III)

Continues from Part II


Once the facebook spamming of her University graduation is complete. Our Melbourne girl will likely spend her next few months vacationing throughout exotic backwaters riding random locals in every city. All harmless fun.

A few months later, the real world will begin, commencing with a paper pushing job which she believes will rise her up the corporate ladder and give her everlasting happiness. She will exert herself excessively and devote herself solely to her job. She will live the corporate vision, and be the model employee.

All her effort will go to her job, she’s in her early 20s and has no time for a relationship, but her unfulfilled taste of random cocks will mean she’ll now begin to spread weekly for new men, giving her pussy out like tap water. Any guy willing to commit to her is “needy” or “creepy”. Being a strong independent woman is more important than finding a man to love you, feminists have told her.

Her discretionary income will be spent on exotic cock tours, dining at the finest of restaurants, cupcakes, and he latest iPhone so she can continue to take amazing selfies and also find new Tinder “dates”.

She’ll enjoy moderate success in her career, not due to her ability but due to the mangina’s and brainwashed majority of society valuing her so highly due to being born with a vagina. Her ego will also increase whilst her looks fade from her long office hours and stress.

She’ll be in her mid to late twenties and realise maybe she needs to begin to look for a man to have something more than a random bang with, however men continue to pump and dump her like yesterday’s trash.

Being defiant as ever she declares that it’s all due to “immature men!” and that men need to know how to “Man up!” The problem can never be her, can it? She simply cannot be wrong. She can’t have wasted the currency of her youth, having random sex with men who wouldn’t acknowledge her after banging her the night before. Nope, not her problem!

The Typical Melbourne Girl (Part II)

Continues from Part I


So our typical Melbourne girl will be eagerly waiting to find out what course she got into for University. VTAC releases course listings and she can compare and contrast with her friends, if she’s gotten one of her top preferences it will be all smiles and fake consoling of her friends. If it’s something she didn’t really want, she’ll be more likely to rationalise it rather than admit defeat.

University will start, and in a bid to get social and develop a good friendship circle so he can continue to get her validation and desire for drama our typical girl will attend O-Week activities. If she was a loser in high school, then this is a perfect way to re-invent herself.

During O-Week camp, she’ll probably get drunk and fuck 2-3 guys over the course of the weekend, but don’t worry these obviously don’t count, as she was just having fun while intoxicated on O-Week camp.

As classes start, the new style of learning and added freedom will lead to a substantial increase in laziness. She’ll scramble through her subjects and get average marks ranging from 60’s to 70’s, which for a mediocre degree isn’t very difficult.

Weekends will be spend hitting the clubs, obtaining further validation, and catching up with her so called “friends’ who at any moment are willing to back stab her for their own gain. The steady stream of cock will be taken by her well experienced vagina, and soon she’ll realise that no man can give her the tingles, validation and entertainment that her iPhone, coupled with apps like Tinder can give her. Her Instagram will be catered towards constant attention whoring with photos ranging from her Stereosonic outfit to her birthday presents will be posted for all to see.

Summer breaks will be spent on cock tours overseas, sampling the random cock of Europe, South or North America, or potentially working her mindless retail job saving up for an upcoming cock tour.

As her degree nears to an end, a certain panic begins to arise as to what life will entail after the completion of tertiary studies. Our typical girl will apply for internships and due to her solely being a female, white knight interviewers will assume that being nice to her whilst displaying favourable bias will somehow miraculously lead the opportunity to experience her pussy. This, along with extensive validation provided by thirsty men will land her an internship followed by a potential job lined up for when she finishes her degree.

The Typical Melbourne Girl (Part I)


Sometimes I meet girls and their lives are so dull, so cookie-cutter, so placid that I’ve heard a similar life stories countless times from girls that came before them. It’s very rare now that a girl will captivate me, and the ones that definitely stand out.

Any guy that has slayed his fair share of girls will have put up with hours of meaningless banter before smashing. This experience can make you a perfect nodding puppet, you can start to make it appear that you’re interested by implementing a few words as responses and adapting your body language to signal intrigue.

Believe me, once you have gone through it many times, it’s painfully boring, it’s like listening to the same lecture in University over and over. But, just like how I operated in University, I retained some of the junk that was uttered.

So what’s the model story I hear from girls? I’ll average them all out from what I remember and begin to write it.

We start during the latter stages of high school.

High School

The typical Melbourne girl goes to school, does fine at school but could do substantially better if she didn’t spend so much of her time on social media rather than studying. She will have a few close friends who will share her life events with her, and give her validation when nobody else does. They will also provide her with drama and excitement which she will begin to obtain a willing taste for.

The typical girl will also begin to experiment with her sexuality, starting to bang away guys who are above her league, then getting pumped and dumped by said guys. This will be the first of many encounters she’ll experience in her life. She will initially be hurt by this and will seek answers. At this age, she hasn’t been corrupt fully by the petty lies sold to her by modern society. If she’s on the conservative side, she’ll have a boyfriend who will be one of few so far that have penetrated her.

She’ll finish her VCE, rant about marks she lost on exams, but do alright in the end. Her spare time will revolve around Facebook, her iPhone, Twitter, and Instagram, she has limited funds at this age and substantial time, so she will look for easily accessible entertainment. She probably won’t have the attention span to sustain reading a meaningful book, or learning a life skill.

She’ll start hitting the clubs when she turns 18 during year 12 and enjoying male attention, which will give her further validation complimenting her social media selfies.

If she’s single and keen to start slutting, she’ll go to schoolies and bang a few guys to “let loose” and begin to “discover herself”. If she’s more conservative, she’ll work her part-time retail job and spend time with her boyfriend over the summer break before starting University.


Continues in Part II

The star from afar


If you’ve studied at The University of Melbourne you’ll notice that it’s not just all FOBs and Private schoolers. There are some students that go to random public schools and shock us all by doing reasonably well in VCE to gain acceptance to the University.

They are probably misfit in their high school, the ones that actually weren’t brain dead and wanted to avoid the null hypothesis lifestyle of failure that the majority of their peers will succumb to. Without a plethora of resources and a lacklustre academic culture at their school, their desire is often derived internally, rather than through peers or teachers.

Often, public school “stars” will struggle to conform to the culture within their schools. They will probably resent their schools culture, the same culture which churns out hordes of dreg-tier failures annually.

These types of students often have only a few friends in the early days at the university due to most of their high school peers attending TAFE or other universities, but as usual they’ll get along just fine with the rest of their peers after the formative period at University.

They do fine at University academically, since they are more self-motivated learners. Obviously if they are doing Biomed, they are forced to try very hard since they are probably competing against everyone for Post-grad medicine spots.

Ultimately, students from public schools saved their $20,000 a year on school fees to end up at the same educational institution as many private schoolers, doing exactly the same course. Sure, they won’t have the connections or exposure as some of the private schoolers.


The Career Carousel


I have already written in the past how the western culture has destroyed women from the perspective of a meaningful relationship capacity, now another common occurrence which is rather widespread and encouraged even, is riding the career carousel.

So many women excessively dedicate themselves into their career in the hope that it would lead them to greater success in life, happiness and financial prosperity. In my field especially, the added stress, and insane working hours often leads to young women, who are fresh and full of life when they commence their careers, to end up as jaded, bitchy, saggy women when they leave. The other alternative is ugly women who fail to attract a desirable man switch strategies from finding a provider male to collecting the resources themselves, for them this is probably a good escape.

Recently, I was looking over an article which displayed a photo of a former University of Melbourne Commerce graduate, when she finished her undergraduate degree she was quite attractive and had the added-value of being rather intelligent too, quite the catch you would think. After a few years working in Finance, working insane hours and enduring all that stress, she looks almost 10 years older than what her real age is. Quite a pity.

There is always just a little something “off” about women who are unreasonably dedicated to their professions and to gaining an acronymic procession of purposeless credentials. Careerist women are some of the most unpleasant, unfeminine women to be around. It isn’t hard to pick up on the majority of women that have been riding the career train for 5+ years in high-stress professions without any visual cues; their masculine attitudes are often more than enough to signal their level of venality that has infected them throughout their corporate ladder climbing days.

For many women the desire is there, more so due to the usual societal bullshit encouraging how empowering it is to be a “Strong, independent, career driven woman”. They often even believe that their employer is almost an extension of their personality. On so many occasions people voluntarily drop the name of their employer in the finance field and expect some sort of praise in response to it. Remember that you’re expendable, and having incredible amounts of loyalty to your employer is exactly what they would want from you. All the usual corporate culture bullshit you have been fed has conditioned you into that. I’d say that students at The University of Melbourne are probably one of the worst proponents of it; they ride the career train far too hard, and think that because they work at their respective organisations that their status is Oh so high! After being a corporate drone for years, they start to gain a realisation of how they have lost their individuality and are now as “Cookie Cutter” as the person sitting in the cubicle opposite them. It’s somewhat sad, sad to see the homogeneous output of what years of grinding it out too hard in the corporate world can spit out.

Attractive young girls of many other cultures usually put personal life, love and marriage before career, and would tend to have happier love and family lives. This is why fugly feminists with several degrees slur stay-at-home mums so clamorously; ugly women feel, on a deep instinctual level, that their sub-par attractiveness is the actual cause of why they don’t have the possessions that better looking women have, so they pretend they never desired those things or that the women who want those things are somehow lesser women, inexperienced, provincial dummies of a fictional patriarchy who does not appreciate the joys of climbing the corporate ladder, getting that CPI-aligned pay “rise” along with the stress and added responsibility of a new title. These feminists are, of course, involved in an animated, charred crusade of dishonesty.

After you realise that the HR spiels are bullshit and that it’s fairly impossible to be “Rich” working for someone else, reality hits and then comes your mid-life crisis, when you think to yourself “Is there all there is to my life?” But by then the damage is done. Your hair is probably shortened so its low maintenance, your wrinkles would probably be glistening from all those late nights working, you’ll probably be out of shape from those convenient meals, and you’ll be distant from people who are or were close to you. All that to pursue that title!

Women must realise that they should never feel entitled to a high quality partner because of their “good” job, we aren’t attracted to your earning capacity, and we cannot have sex with your pay-cheque or fall in love with your Master’s degree. Having a nice feminine allure and balancing out yourself with positive traits is more likely to land you someone of desire.

The brain-dead feminists will naturally ask, “Why doesn’t the same theory apply to men? Aren’t they escaping sad love lives by retreating to their careers?”

Don’t you know it’s different for guys? Unlike women, men are evolutionarily encoded to be resource providers for women. It is not a treachery of a man’s instinctive purpose in life to determinedly pursue accomplishment and honours. In fact, just the contradictory; it’s a verification of that primitive purpose. A man turning his back on raising his status is akin to a woman allowing herself to get overweight and disheveled.


Hipster Heroes


In Melbourne, there’s a common subculture within a few of the inner-city suburbs, Hipsters.  People who belong in this hipster category are concerned with their appearance substantially more than the regular person. Often they feel that they are “unique” and have an “alternative” vibe to them. It’s almost oxymoronic though as this expanding subculture seems to be rather homogenous amongst themselves.

Hipsters are often identifiable by the following characteristics:

  • Ugly prescription glasses, or hipster frames
  • Outfits that make you wonder if they are trying out for a position in the circus
  • Chronic Tumblr addicts
  • Always trying to be very witty and ironic, even if it’s not in their normal personality
  • Stupid tattoos
  • 2nd Hand Clothes
  • A dirty look implying they shower once a month
  • Overconfident even though they are only knowledgeable about music and fashion

Nowadays, you can just roll up to a hipster bar in places like Fitzroy or Collingwood with a daggy-looking clothes and firmly get accepted within their circle. Oh also, you might need to make some longer term cosmetic changes. First, grow out your hair and beard. Second, buy a couple deep v-necks along with a snug pair of jeans. It doesn’t have to be skinny jeans, but it shouldn’t be baggy in the 50 Cent style. Congratulations, you now have a basic look that will not be objectionable to the hipster “niche”

As The University of Melbourne is located close to the hipster hot-zones of the inner northern suburbs of Melbourne, it’s often quite common to see students that fall within this grouping. Most seem to be Arts or Science students however you’ll occasionally come across them from other courses.

One way to stand out from the other hipster guys without getting an even more depressing tattoo or being in some loser band is to have some muscles. Hipster dudes are frail with Holocaust style concentration camp bodies, so having a more athletic build—that your v-neck will undoubtedly highlight—will do a better job of being slightly unique within a largely homogenous grouping. Just don’t be jacked because hipster chicks don’t like that. Even though hipsters are obsessed with their look, making sure each strand of hair is strategically placed across their face, the trick is making it seem like you don’t really care. It’s tough but once you pull it off, you’ll know how it really feels to be a true hipster.

It’s odd, hipsters try hard to emit a care-free ambiance, however they are often some of the most self-absorbed people around, especially in a city like Melbourne.

Holiday Plans


Exams are nearly done and Summer is just around the corner! Exciting times ahead with no classes until late February!

However, you have four months off.. so what do you do?

Certain types of students at The University of Melbourne have extensive plans, which I’ll describe below.


– You will do at least 1 (Preferably 2) Summer subjects

– Do 10 hours a week of volunteering, maybe 3-4 stints over the summer. This experience is paramount to your success in differentiating yourself.

– Try to learn and practice every subject for Semester 1 next year. If possible try to do the same for Semester 2 as well. By the time you’ve finished completing practice exams you should be able to write your own questions up, and solving them with ease. Maybe also look into writing a nice book detailing the concepts of the subject.

– Spend every moment of free time looking for jobs, internships, or any form of relevant employment. See what they want from successful candidates their job descriptions and try to emulate it.

– Try to network for 5-10 hours a week, use LinkedIn, Add randoms that work at organisations you like on Facebook.

– Try to find at least 2-3 new organisations in your field that you want to work in. Learn their application process, practice any tests required and also routinely practice any potential interview questions that may come up.
Here is a suggested timetable that you should follow for your summer, when you’re not doing your 1-2 Summer subjects.

Note: Career Kids and FOBs may be able to relate.

Follow this above timetable religiously, and you will be more likely to attain success in the future.

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BCom Majors V: Actuarial Studies

Today’s guest post comes from a past student that majored in Actuarial Studies.

Actuarial Studies

“We slam (Financial) Models and (Red Bull) Bottles”

An actuary is a business professional who deals with the financial impact of risk and uncertainty. Actuaries provide expert assessments of financial security systems, with a focus on their complexity, their mathematics, and their mechanisms

That’s what Wikipedia says, but in reality, it’s one of the easiest majors offered by the The University of Melbourne. Rumours of its difficulty are propagated by retards who haven’t figured out what an integral is. If you enjoy doing boring, brain-dead number crunching, with a cohort that has the social awareness of a dung beetle then Actuarial is definitely something you should seriously consider.

So here are a few typical responses you get when you tell someone you’re studying to be an Actuary.

“Huhhhhh? What is an actually?”

“OMG, you must be like super smart and shit”

Both of these responses indicate the person you are talking to is probably brain-dead, and you should cease talking to them immediately.

Most of you would be wondering by now, what kind of person this shitty major would attract. First of all LOTS and LOTS of FOBs, who are also Career Kids. Deadly combination.

Things don’t get much better if you’re a guy looking to score either. Here’s the reason why: Think of the ugliest girl in your high school year level. Done? Ok, now keep that image in your spank bank, because in Actuarial she’ll start looking like a supermodel real soon.
As for the guys in the course, it doesn’t get much better. Fleece and runners are the uniform of choice and brands such as “Mike” and “Adidis” are well represented. You’ll also have to have a gimpy physique and have no personality in order to truly fit in. One golden tip: Try to make your studies the center of your life, the quicker you do this, the more likely you’ll be accepted amongst the cohort.
Your classmates will be talking in various Asian languages and if you aren’t fluent in any of them, I suggest you learn quickly because you won’t be making too many friends. Discussions in English are a rarity within this major. Also look into obtaining a (Fake) Asian passport, I hear in the future these are going to be checked when you try to rock up to Actuarial events.

Personality-wise the cohort are the biggest losers around, often studying for days non-stop and neglecting any form of activity that would hinder their academic progress. It is very common amongst students to attend the SAME tutorial more than once, students will often re-attend tutorials on different days to gain that “Edge” and beat their fellow students. Oddly enough, the students trying the hardest are the 2nd tier ones that are barely scraping H1’s in a major that just asks to get slayed. Oh and remember, Students enrolling in this major are often the rattiest and most unhelpful types, trying hard to deceive others by appearing naive and aloof in regards to subject related questions from peers.

As for the subjects, here’s a bit of a rundown, of the ones I remember anyway:
Financial Maths III – A slightly harder version of Investments, yet still a joke. Learn about various aspects of portfolio theory and stuff that only the really nerdy kids pretend to (or maybe actually do) care about
Actuarial Modelling I, Actuarial Modelling II – The only models you’ll be seeing in your course.
Contingencies – Same as FM I and II but with probabilities slapped on, besides that can’t remember, don’t care. Haven’t used it at all, since I work in M&A.
Models for Insurance and Finance: This is probably one of the more interesting subjects in the Actuarial major. Probably because it’s not really an Actuarial subject.
Another thing to note, the word “Exemption” will be uttered over and over and over again in conversations, unless you repeat it regularly you will never truly be an Actuarial student and we all want to be one of those!

So what does Actuarial Studies lead to? Well, only a few people end up going on to be a qualified Actuary, a few will get into Investment Banking, some will go to Big 4, some into retail banks. Oh as for FOBs, I’m really not too sure but I do hear the outgoing shipments back to Asia do get pretty full around that time after graduation.
So in summary, what is Actuarial Studies? A few years of involuntary celibacy, boring as fuck numbers and being surrounded by the highest caliber of losers and fuglies. Luckily, I moved on to an Investment Bank after finishing this garbage major few years ago. Even though I work long hours and don’t get much sleep, I still have nightmares about my time in Actuarial.

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Feminazi Losers


The joke that is feminism continues to be huge fad for many self-entitled students at The University of Melbourne. I would gladly say that the majority of these students would be Angry Arts Students who are also probably ugly too.

The common argument  put up frequently by depleted feminists is that men have more power than women, that men control the world and that women are oppressed as a result. So instead you’ll see Feminazi’s rebel against the social expectation to look feminine by cutting their hair short, rocking hipster glasses, dressing with clothes from an op-shop and not shaving their armpits for months to show off how “liberated”, “confident” and “strong-willed” they are.

Now note, most of these feminist losers probably have never received any attention from the opposite sex in their whole life so they aren’t losing much by looking like homeless tramps and whining about how “unfair” the world is and how opening a door for a woman is sexist since they are perfectly capable of doing it themselves.

Ok, so you missed out big time in the genetic lottery and look pretty terrible, so to feel remotely good about yourself, you need to waste time and find something to blame for your shortcomings, so jumping on the feminism bandwagon will do!

Arguing with a Feminist is honestly similar to arguing with a child, there’s no way they will accept a valid argument, their minds are made up, anything which disagrees with their view will land you with the label of “Misogynist”.

Some of these Feminist tools will study pathetically useless subjects such as Gender Studies, where the lecturer will be some jaded, washed up, spinster preaching nonsense which tries to substantiate why their own lives are so meaningless and how men are behind her lack of success. Unfortunately the geniuses studying this subject won’t ever dare to go against the garbage spat out by the lecturer and are likely to be the next generation of Feminist failures.

So where do these Feminist losers end up? Well, since most of them do useless degrees and regurgitate garbage essays and protest all day about useless issues which nobody could care less about, they end up with some shitty job and a depressing existence filled with whinging. Maybe, reading The Huffington Post will give them some temporary relief from their rage-filled lives. A few will end up lonely and probably focus solely on their career in an attempt to cover up their inadequacies in other aspects of their sad existence. Often, to fill up the void of a man in their lives they will utter garbage such as “I’m a STRONG, INDEPENDENT, CAREER DRIVEN woman” or maybe something like “I don’t need a man, I have a job, car, house” or even worse “No man is good enough for me, they are all pigs”

Doing something wrong, and then playing the victim of how the world is against you and using the rubric of Feminism to further back-up your illogical argument isn’t going to get you far, maybe joining this fad is just a nice way to kill time for these bored, visually unattractive spinsters.

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