Category Archives: Student Profile

Oh, I do (Bio) Medicine!


Bachelor of Biomedicine

A course with a clearly-in ATAR of around 99 at The University of Melbourne so you should be proud to be in it right? However, many in the course are probably dissatisfied.
Often, in the first few weeks many of the core Biomedicine subjects lecturers will ask the class to put their hands up if they want/wanted to do Medicine. Usually, almost every hand goes up in response to this. Looks like many didn’t get what they really wanted.

So you’re studying Biomedicine, chances are you didn’t get into Monash MBBS, Didn’t want to/couldn’t afford to go to a joke university interstate and now are left with an undergraduate course which has no guarantees for your future.

The realisation of missing out on undergraduate Medicine probably really kicks in when classes start, when you start doing a few irrelevant subjects and realise that an average UMAT or interview really has cost you a couple of years at least (Assuming you get into a Post-graduate Medicine pathway). In addition to that is the uncertainty, which will often drive you to study a bit harder where as most MBBS kids will be chilling the first couple of years of their course. You’ll always be around nerdy kids constantly talking about studying hard and maintaining huge averages in the early part of your course, then in the latter part, it will be about GAMSAT scores and interviews and offers. A bit similar to entering university for the first time after finishing VCE. The constant pursuit of post-graduate pathways such as Medicine, Dentistry, Physiotherapy etc. will always leave you feeling unsatisfied with your current course, as it is really only a stepping stone to what you really want(ed).

In the meantime, as a bit of a consolation many students doing Biomedicine will often mention that they do Medicine to people who are not affiliated with The University of Melbourne. Often throwing in some random Biology terms in conversations to further validate their claim.

It’s not all bad for Biomed students, on the upside, the cohort is probably more studious than the kids studying Science, since the university pretty much lets anybody into that course, so they have something to look down on.

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Angry Arts Students

But.. we’re studying what we love?!

Now I’m sure everyone considers a Bachelor of Arts to be a complete joke (Personally, I thought Commerce was a complete joke too!) But unfortunately there are some deluded students out there who think otherwise.

A friend of mine recently took some retard-friendly breadth subject from the Arts faculty so they could relax and only focus on core subjects.

So how did it go? Not so great… The cohort was the main problem from what I’ve been told.

Now seriously, a class filled with latte-sipping, Beret-wearing, leftist losers constantly whinging about useless issues which nobody could care less about isn’t exactly a dream cohort especially when you’re looking to just sleep through classes and attain a perfunctory H1.

The real problem is that many Arts students feel as if they constantly express their views that it will make a difference and the world will change, just because they argued their point over and over and over again. Very logical thinking. This often leads to in-class discussion which gets very heated, not that the tutor minds though. Why? Because the tutor can just step back and watch the stubborn students debate about their opinions and ideologies, while the tutor “facilitates” it by asking some super generic questions and making vague statements so they can continue to appear that they really care (Before you begin the usual rage, just note that a friend of mine actually tutored a couple of Arts subjects and said this herself).

Luckily, the saving grace for my friend (Who did manage to get H1), was that the content was so obvious that the majority of it can be understood well with absolutely no attendance. Yet somehow there are Arts retards who actually major in this field  and struggle to get H2B’s and H2A’s. Absolute geniuses!

Luckily though, as time passes, most of the Arts students will get what they deserve, which is often entry into a useless Masters Program (Goooo Melbourne model!), a DipEd and a passive teaching gig (Ambitious yo!), the longer path to a law career (By doing a JD and hoping for the best in entering the saturated Law graduate market) or maybe a lovely retail or fast-food gig (Sorry, had to throw in the Arts graduate stereotype).

The sad truth is a few years spent reading useless texts, writing garbage essays, debating hopeless issues won’t exactly get you too far unless you’ve got other things going for you. Life isn’t fair.

Oh and I’m not expecting any Arts kids to accept anything written in this post. Just go back to picking out spelling mistakes and grammars throughout the blog. Oh and arguing too. Stay delusional guys!

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Worrying Whingers!

So… here we are now, after a long semester of classes, it’s time for SWOTVAC. Technically it’s “Study Without Teaching Vacation”, but for most it’s “WAKE UP FOR EXAMS” vacation.

It’s a quiet period on-campus at The University of Melbourne, with no classes on, most students are flocking to the study areas to either extensively revise or actually look at their subject materials for the first time.

But beware, there are Worrying Whingers

Nobody likes exams, but with the presence of annoying students who constantly whinge about their “lack” of studying, it doesn’t make things better.

We’ve all come across this type of student before as they are pretty popular at The University of Melbourne.

Worrying Whingers are the type that post a Facebook or Twitter status every hour with something like..



Further characteristics of their behaviour include vague responses when asking for assistance regarding university study or just mentioning they have “no idea” regarding a topic, when in all honesty they have probably revised it extensively.

In reality, nobody respects nor likes these students. Nobody really cares about their bothersome whinging either.

However, some of them do actually live up to their word and fail (Yeah, with all that time spent letting everyone know of their misery through every form of social media imaginable, it’s not a big surprise!)

But the majority don’t as they are often studying aggressively and put forward the false pretense to everyone that they are not.
I’m sure some of my readers will also be guilty of this behaviour too, but there’s always at least person who we all know that is a bit excessive in this behaviour.

Also, Many of these worrying whingers will be Career Kids or FOBs.

Here’s some ways to deal with them:

1. Do NOT give them validation or comfort.
Don’t just say they are “going to be ok” when they whinge about how they will fail.
Instead, say something like “Yeah, have fun repeating next semester”.

2. Ignore Facebook and Twitter status updates.
I think once there are little or no responses, their thick brains will finally absorb the fact that nobody cares about how the epicenter of the world isn’t based around their sad life of study, but then again, don’t be surprised if they continue, they seek attention after all.

3. Avoid these students before an exam.
They are the absolute worst people you can surround yourself with before an exam.
They will make you more nervous and insecure about your own performance with their over-anxiety and irritating last-minute self-doubt.

Follow these tips religiously.


In all sincerity, good luck for exams guys!




The Private Schooler

Today I’ll go over The Private Schooler. Yes, this is another stereotype which most students at the university will bump into.

The Private Schooler, as the name suggests the the breed of student that has attended a top private school, probably in the inner east or inner bayside areas and preferably also reside in these areas too. Common examples of these schools are Scotch College, Melbourne Grammar, Xavier College & Camberwell Grammar. The students will usually get a solid ENTER/ATAR score (Even the retarded ones will get a decent spoon-fed score) and have many friends who will end up at UoM with them, potentially doing the same course as them.

After being nursed through VCE with their hard-working teachers and strong school environment, many of the Private Schoolers come to UoM not really knowing what to expect. Often they herd together with common groupings being students of the same private school, nearby private schools, APS sports opponents, and sister schools.

A vast majority of the male students from this group will excel in sports (AFL, Rowing, Rugby etc.), be fit, and also quite extroverted. Many of which will not really bother studying throughout university too hard as their personality and general likeability will get them more success in life than dweebish nerds and fobs which basically dominate the university population. If not, the connections which they have attained through their social networks or their parents will probably be enough for them to land a decent gig after graduating.There are a few that do study hard and also have great people skills to go with them which generally mean they’ll end up in a true top tier position in no time.This will generally breed much envy from nerdy losers that tried harder academically but didn’t end up obtaining the same level of success.

In terms of Private School girls, they will often have strong self-confidence (Much of this depends on looks of course!) and also display many positive traits which are similar to their male private school counterparts. Again, just an observation, it’s not always the case, since generalising would be a crime now, wouldn’t it ?!

Many Private Schoolers will be spending their summers overseas in exotic locations, relaxing, while most other students will be lightening their future study load by undertaking summer classes or working hard in some role which they believe will enhance their prospects of success in the future. As usual, the Private Schooler will more than likely be more successful in attaining that dream job that these other students have been drooling over all throughout their university life.

In the workforce, Private Schoolers will generally go further up the corporate ladder than their fobby counterparts. By building close rapport with key people and allowing their non-work related conversation to dominate their perception, they will often not be as technically sound in the actual work as a socially-awkard dweeb but their personality will leave a good impression on the people that matter which will result in a greater level of success, in the majority of cases.

As much as people deny it, many senior roles have a strong preference for white people. Don’t start hating me for telling the truth, click the link and read calmly without raging.

Until next time!




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FOBs (Part III) – Demeanour

So the FOBs series continues! Now, I’m sure that I’ll get a lot of people raging over this, but honestly, I couldn’t care less.


So we’ve all had tutorials that have been dominated by FOBs, right? Those tutorials for me were undoubtedly the worst, most awkward and boring tutorials ever.

Silent FOBs
I re-collect a couple of years ago a tutor mentioning how one particular tutorial he takes is quieter than his any of his lectures (Note: This tutorial was around 95% FOBs). The silent FOBs generally just sit there copying down answers and not really contributing, which is alright usually, since most tutors will speed through the content and hopefully most people will understand. There are tutors however, that always try to engage their students and ask a ton of questions throughout the tutorial. Now, these are the ones which generally have all those awkward silences throughout the semester when a tutor asks the class a question because silent FOBS will either

A) Will genuinely be clueless, or

B) Know the answer but still not say it

Also, some silent FOBs will probably be staying back after class to ask the tutor a question instead of asking during the class when the tutor asks if there’s any questions.

Information-Hungry FOBs

There are also some FOBs that ask a ton of questions which

A) Make absolutely no sense

B) Are super super obvious

C) Have nothing to do with the course, or

D) In rare cases, are decent questions

Often, A, B and C will occur in subjects where participation marks are given (Usually this is not more than 10% at most)

Group Assignments

Group Assignments, love them or hate them, but chances are you’ll probably have to do one at some stage.

Useless FOBs

These are the worst types I think. So, you get given a group assignment, unfortunately you have a FOB in your group and the FOB is either..

A) Completely incapable of doing his or her part (Probably due to lackluster writing ability) or..

B) Slack and really doesn’t care

In the end you’ll have to do their part and work a bit harder.

Demanding FOBs

This usually occurs when you are put into a group which is mainly comprised of FOBs. The demanding FOBs will usually push you to work very hard and probably complete the assignment well before the due date. I have a friend that receives text messages on almost a daily basis (including weekends too!) demanding improvements to the group assignment he was working on with a group of really eager FOBs. Just be sure to cross-check their work to see if its on the right track, cause the last thing you want is incoherent work from them.


The Career Kid!

Ahh, it’s that time of the year again, when many final year students realise that they must start to decide on what they’ll be doing next year in terms of employment.

Now in my course there were a bunch of career losers, yes, a LOT. The University of Melbourne is probably renowned for these types of students.

Now let me describe the stereotypical career loser.

Generally, this is the type of student who isn’t exceptionally talented, maybe just slightly above average at the very best, but usually average or slightly below. They CONSTANTLY just think about their career prospects. From bitching about their marks, to whining about how they got rejected when their less career-focused friend got the offer at firm X or company Y.

No, this is not some nerd who just wants to get a killer transcript, and then tear it up in the real world; these losers are the ones that think that rocking up to a careers event is going to give them a massive edge over their peers.

Often, they are very very ratty, they won’t reveal information about what jobs they applied for, will not help anyone else out in anything job/uni related (including their friends) and are absolute dogs when it comes to passing on assignments to others.


Kid A: Hey dude, did you apply for firm X’s vacation program?

Kid B: Nah man, they open?!

Kid A: They closed weeks ago!

*Two weeks later*

Kid A: Hey, I got rejected at firm X at the final stage

Kid B: Oh I actually got an offer from firm X

Kid A: ??!?!

Now, imagine the awkwardness… this is normal for career losers though.

Usually, without sounding overly racist, these kids are usually Asian (I’m expecting some raging from this, but it’s just merely an observation), but obviously this isn’t always the case, a few white kids and curries are also of this mould.

Career kids will always be discussing dates of applications opening and wheather anyone has heard back from X company in regards to their Y position. They will often have “friends” who they solely discuss job prospects with, nothing else. A catch up with these “friends” will probably entail trying to gain information regarding the group stage of Company X’s process and what types of questions to prepare for. Basically, prepare to be used by these type of people if you are their so called “friends”.

Most career kids will spend extensive time on trying to bolster up their resumes so they can have a chance to get their desired jobs. More often then not, they do not attain that dream.

Career Fairs:

This is basically Christmas for Career kids. There are a couple of these during the year and are basically opportunities for companies to spit their propaganda about how great they are. Career kids will be anticipating these events for months, by preparing questions, picking out what to wear, how to do their hair and the persona they will adopt during the fair.

Now the only reason you should go to these is to leech the freebies (Usually company stationary) which they offer, nothing else. The information being presented is often found on their website or just Googled. There is no point trying to go there and impress the representatives and think you’ll now be ahead of your peers, because you spoke to an employee of your dream company.

It’s very rare that talking to a Junior HR Consultant or Junior Analyst at Company Z is going to get you a gig there. All you’ll really hear is the lame generic responses from their website, with a fun twist on it.


Most loser career kids in Commerce will be aiming to get into the Holy Grail of Finance that is Investment Banking. Now, considering how small the investment banking intake is in Australia (and the field in general), it’s unlikely any of these career losers will actually get “snapped up”.

Let’s look at it from another point of view: Investment Bank A plans to hire 3 graduates Australia-wide for 2012, 421 Career losers turn out to their Sydney & Melbourne industry nights. There is a good chance that the people who actually do get into Investment Bank A aren’t even at the event. All that time and effort to rock up, with no real gain.

Here’s a real life example of a career loser:

I was talking to someone and asked them what their plans were for the winter break back last year and this is the response I got:

“Yeah, bolster up my resume these holidays so I can get an Institutional Role at one of the Big 4 Banks, basically it’s IB at a smaller level!”

This is the model response you should aim to give when you are a career loser. Your existence revolves around your career, not your friends, not your family, not your hobbies, but the job you do.

I can imagine talking to these people in a social setting, everything asked by them will be in an interview-style question, which is why I generally avoid career losers.

Another example:

I was walking around university back last year and saw something really interesting.

In one of the study rooms in Frank Tate building there were 5 fobs doing one of those online tests as part of many recruitment processes these days.

1 Fob was at the white board drawing stuff, another was with a calculator sitting next to the fob who was inputting responses on to the laptop whilst another fob was there sitting with a piece of paper working things out. The last fob had a stop watch in his hand.

After seeing this, I really was shocked.