The Misfit

It was February, I just got back from a 3 week vacation from the snow and settling back into the routine of life back in my adopted home city.

And then it happened, maybe due to boredom, maybe due to a desire to explore.

I met a skank with a unique haircut and dress sense, tatted up and fit, and a total misfit in this homogeneous society I was living in. I didn’t think much of it, initially brushing off her calls to catch up. But in the end I thought it would maybe be interesting.

I would never want to be seen with her in public but the exploration in private was intriguing.

A third cultured up-bringing over three countries, deviation of family expectations and simply ending up with in the wrong crowd at the wrong time left her in this state. But to me that didn’t really matter, her life was funded through previous generations and she simply lived it as she wanted.

The trysts were random, infrequent but intense and it was a nice get away from reality where perhaps I was sometimes overwhelmed with stress. The chill, casual nature of it was a perk as I’d bumped into her once at a shopping centre with the company of another companion and it wasn’t an awkward greeting at all. I guess when people can’t fathom the combination of two polar opposites it’s hard to really feel suspicious.

In the end, I had bigger issues to deal with and “forgot” to reply to too often for it to continue and I wasn’t one bit worried or fussed, but then the other day, I see her at an airport somewhere totally random and we exchange smiles and continue walking in our intended directions.

Bitter Bangs

Have you banged a girl and despised her so much that you simply hate fucked her the whole time?

I think it’s happened to me a lot more in Melbourne than anywhere else in the world. The amount of bitter feminist skanks that spread their legs open and take me raw despite having opposing views or beliefs to me is something that points me to the direction of irrationality in women. You can always take this to your benefit.

You simply cannot negotiate desire. 

That’s the truth of it all: turn them on, bang them out.

In other parts of the world there might be elements of romance, some alignment of views, and a respect that forms, although it may only be for a whim, there’s a common ground of care that precedes the fornication.

But in feminist nations, it’s rarely the case for me these days.

I was in London recently and the same thing happened. A girl I met, nothing in common besides that fact that she’s DTF and I’m giving it out. Talking shit, going through the motions she drops hints about her feminist values, these annoy me on the inside but I let them slide, eventually this goes on where I realise, god, this girl is a mess and annoying, so since it was almost time to pull, I told myself..

“Ok, just go through with this and regret it after”

So I plowed through, took her back and slammed.

It wasn’t bad on a physical level but then after I emptied my load, all I could think about was which Tube stop to take, how to walk there, when will I make it to meet up with a friend later.

I simply couldn’t force myself to stay there any longer. The lack of attraction besides purely physical just became more and more evident. I think she got the hint and asked if I was in a hurry to which I said…

“Yeah, sadly – wish I could stay a bit longer”

It was all a smoke-screen of the reality, sometimes you need to just say these things these days, especially in the post #MeToo era where there’s no telling what could really happen when a girl changes her mind about you.

I finished up, hopped on the tube then met up with a friend who I hadn’t seen in over 4 years. We both discussed our views on girls in London, he was spending most of his time in other parts of Europe and told me he was over the London scene. I guess that’s what being in a place for a few years can do to you.

 

How to know if someone’s not getting laid?

I had a stopover in Switzerland a few weeks ago and caught up with a friend who was spending some time there for work.

We had a meal and during that meal, I was showing him some photos of a recent trip to Krabi in Thailand. A notification came up from some slore I hadn’t reached out to with something suggestive.

My friend noticed and asked if I had slammed her, I smirked and then he asked if he could push the notification and see her profile photo, I was like “sure”.

Then the following sentence was what gave it away for me that he must be going through a major dry spell

“Where did you meet her?”

I’ve heard this so many times whenever you share nudes, or a pic of a girl out in a bar, nightclub or amongst other guys, the guys who are the thirstiest and most likely to have not gotten laid are usually the ones to ask something like that.

Given any guy that’s slammed a few dozen women in his life would have an easy understanding of how a guy meets a girl (nightlife venues, through friends, on apps) it’s pretty obvious that it’ll fall within those clear categories.

On countless nights out, the thirstiest guys that usually go home with nothing are the ones asking the aforementioned question. The guys in the know are usually more nonchalant or praising of your efforts rather than trying to replicate it or better it.

So next time you show a string of messages, or a slore sends a nude and a friend sees it, just remember what they say as a response to it. If they ask you where you met her and you’re not really a frequent traveller, they he’s probably a little thirsty, order him a drink.

A state of transience

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When you have been exploring the world, building yourself up by acquiring new skills and putting yourself in new situations – you grow.

But for how long can you sustain that?

There’s a point where there will be a diminishing return for the amount of energy you expend. You continue going down that path, you get burnt out, jaded and bitter.

People come, people go, and the genuine desire to go through the motions and meet new people wane with time.

Weather you’re working in an expat hot spot like Hong Kong, or doing your own business in a remote island, are you really “settled”?

At the back of most foreign expatriates’ minds is a confession. The truth that they know that this period in their life, it will not be permanent. This “freedom” so to speak, is it really going to last?

I had this feeling a number of times in the last few years. Should I buy this? Should I commit to that? Will I even be here to experience these? Those were questions that would pop up in my mind when it came to more mid to long term decisions. That uncertainty was exciting but also sometimes a little limiting in some areas. I would avoid activities, tasks and commitments as I would feel as if they would tie me down in a location.

The questions kept resonating heavily with my feelings towards my most recent environment, slowly beginning to look forward to a new atmosphere and change. I kept looking back at the happy times that had heavily accumulated in my adopted home city. Naturally, I compared my feeling of the present moment to those I remember feeling in past photos, or reading past stories, the hindsight bias kicked in and I naturally felt as if the most fulfilling and satisfying periods were those I had left behind.

Whatever trickery I tried to convince myself otherwise, failed. Business circumstances, societal changes, they also did not help, factors outside of my control continued to fuel the desire to explore again, to just enjoy something new.

Was I just a hamster on a wheel? Was I just another millennial trying to get their rush of dopamine? Ultimately, despite wanting to believe otherwise, there’s some level of truth to both of those. I had grown myself professionally and personally a lot over the last few years. But I never once imagined integrating into the society I was living in, fully. I was always a foreigner.

So, it happened, something inside of me sparked a thirst for change. Like what happened years ago, happened again.

Sloppy Aussies

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Sloppy Aussies! They exist everywhere these days, just go on a trip and you’ll find one in due course.

If you’ve travelled through Europe or South East Asia, you’ll always come across the rubric of travellers from Australia that tend to stand out for negative reasons.

Weather its Thailand, Bali, London or Budapest, the loud, drunk Australian is a known travel icon. You talk to bar owners and local shop keepers and they complain about how repulsive and arrogant Australians are. Dropping stories of “that one time” when things got out of hand and cops had to be called. Sometimes you’re left with that awkward pause of just simply nodding and agreeing with them about how the behaviour abroad from Aussies aren’t necessarily very respectful of local norms and traditions.

When people ask you where you’re from, and you drop “Australia” as your response and get that visually unappealing reaction as a response you begin to wonder if it might just be a better idea to say you’re a Kiwi instead. Less people, lower risk, right?

This continues to extend onto the ease of slaying Aussie girls. If you’re chatting to a few local blokes about Australian girls, they’ll always drop how they banged one out in the last week or so. It’s great that those worn orifices are given out like tap water abroad. Sharing is caring, after all!

I was travelling through the middle east once, and talking to a few local guys over a meal and they loved how easily the girls from Australia spread, some of these guys had year long dry-spells relieved due to this phenomenon. I saw the humour in this, and they gave me this “fist bump” as a sign of acknowledgement.

Friends of mine living in London often tell me that they actively avoid Australian areas such as Clapham due to the negative reputation that Aussies have earned themselves over there. Some even avoid making friends with Australian-sounding accents to avoid bumping into any embarrassingly sloppy compatriots.

 

Shifting Paradigms

It’s incredible, more than five years can pass and you can remember some people with such strong feelings but a few days can pass and you won’t remember that slore you slammed out in a public toilet cubicle over the weekend.

 

Memories

Don’t ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody.

How true that is.

I was sitting by the park bench enjoying a late summer vacation somewhere warm, and I was talking to a local about some of the adventures, some of the mishaps and battles I had overcome in the last few years, and his response?

“Your life sure is interesting”

That’s when I thought back, opened up my Google Photos and reminisced about some of the times and for a second, I really missed them. It’s impossible to go back and re-experience exactly what you went through at that point in time, but the memory brought a smile to my face.

Other than that I went to some places that were really off the beaten path and got a taste of truly isolating myself from the world for a few days. It was relaxing, but also reaffirmed how much some amenities and luxuries are hard to go without even for a short period of time.

I bumped into some friends in a few big cities and caught up on their endeavours and projects – things were all pretty good, and have some pretty cool ideas coming up for the new year in terms of travel spots.

The fastest way to reveal true character

Drama.

The word likely hits the part of your brain that says “negative” and “bad”.

Most people go through life avoiding drama and conflict.

But some, they love drama.

Modern lexicon has sarcastically termed shallow emotional “why didn’t you answer your phone” girl bullshit as “drama”. That shit should be avoided and is not what I am talking about.

I’m talking about blood rushing, heart racing, palms sweating drama.

I’m talking about moments that make you fear for your life, livelihood, family and property.

Okay, I don’t go searching for it. But it is important.

 

Drama reveals who you are deep inside.

Drama reveals loyalties.

Drama reveals who you can trust.

Drama reveals truth.

 

Let’s talk for a moment about relationships.

Male friendships are built on common interests, respect, and time spent together. But those things

are phoney specialities until you know how a man acts in the time of a crisis. The seemingly closest male

friendship can become the deepest hate-filled rivalry in a single moment of betrayal or weakness. Any guy who has been in a bar fight or intense argument that needed backing up can attest to this.

Male-female relationships are built on attraction, value and good emotions. But the deepest passion and emotional connection cannot be forged until you go through a conflict together, a crisis, a gut check that strips you both down to raw emotionalism and makes you acknowledge that only deep love can make you feel so intensely.

 

In a time of crisis your true colours are shown in blazing glory or dramatic failure. These true colours become attached to your identity and that identity is embedded in any witnesses’ brain. To them, how you act in a crisis is who you truly are. Your actions in times of heart thumping drama can’t be rationalised or explained away later in calmer times. Juries can be fooled, witnesses can’t.

This is one basis for the “shit test”. Girls need to find a man’s true character in order to see if

she’s attracted to him or not. One way to do this is to bring him a little conflict and see how he responds.

But that’s well documented.

 

I’ll let you in on a little secret: guys shit test guys all the time.

You don’t think so?

 

Well one of the basic qualities of male friendships is the ability to take a joke and toss one back.

It is also one of the best friendship-altering mechanisms.

If a guy takes friendly jokes or pranks at his expense too easily and doesn’t toss one back, he

quickly becomes the whipping boy of the group. He is the designated butt of the joke who is not counted on.

If a guy goes off to friendly teasing, overreacts or ups the ante to personal insults and confrontation, nobody wants to be his friend as he is both unpleasant and a liability to go off the handle at future times of crisis.

 

Just like girls shit testing romantic prospects is natural and unconscious, so is guys teasing their friends.

It is a normal and necessary way to determine the value of an ally you may depend on for survival or livelihood one day.

 

As far as girls, anyone who is experienced in relationships knows the importance of the First Big Fight.

Usually within 6 months, there is a make or break fight.

It starts when somebody’s loyalty or commitment is questioned. Somebody disrespects the other in some way.

Until that fight happens you know nothing about your partner.

In the fallout of emotional temper, you begin telling each other what you truly think of each other. It goes beyond the fight’s trigger as you start spilling all the little things you dislike about each other and all the minor gripes that weren’t previously brought up are shown the light of day. The girl starts confessing little things about herself that might meet the man with displeasure. She figures now is the time to get it all out and test his true devotion to her. This big fight will either intensify the flames of passion of the relationship or extinguish them completely.

 

It is only after that fight that the relationship truly begins.

Change

When you’re in a place, or with someone, or doing something that brings you happiness, enjoy it as much as you can, cause it won’t be the same once you leave and return.

Stern words and totally admirable. But on the contrary, when is it time to move on? When should you change things up, or leave behind a job, person, or place? This question definitely comes up more amongst peers these days, and the specifics are different for everyone, no doubt. Here’s a few that people regularly brought up to me:

1 – When you look back more than look forward.

You know you have a limited time when you think about the past constantly, weather you’re in a city you’ve lived in for many years or in a job that you’ve outgrown, you remind yourself about the good times. When everything was new, exciting and brought you that joy you craved so much. Some people look at old photos, some people reflect on old accomplishments, but when you’re not too excited about what’s coming up and constantly looking back, maybe you’ve accepted that the best is behind you and the need for a new challenge is coming up.

2 – When the every day seems like a grind.

When I was a kid, or even during university, I would sit in classes or lectures and think about what I’d do later, weather it be hanging out with friends, or some cool activity over the weekend, I would think about that and it would give me this really joyous feeling to get me through the task at hand. But in the situations where I needed some change, I would always get down a stop watch counter app and have the impending departure date counting down daily to remind me that this torture will end soon.

3 – The feeling of treading water.

Ultimately, your mind will probably tell yourself you’re not growing, nor happy with the comfort you’ve achieved in your present state. That feeling of no progress – that’s somewhat of a poison that just never goes away unless you make changes.

 

These are just common occurrences based on anecdotes amongst a few peers, but there’s definitely a lot more signs than just the above.

The “caste” system

Many know the caste system that relates to India, such as what is described below:

The caste system in India is the paradigmatic ethnographic example of caste. It has origins in ancient India, and was transformed by various ruling elites in medieval, early-modern, and modern India, especially the Mughal Empire and the British Raj. It is today the basis of educational and job reservations in India. The caste system consists of two different concepts, varna and jati, which may be regarded as different levels of analysis of this system. Vaidyanathan argues that the caste system existed at the village level to serve the needs of its people, however, the method in which the 1881 census was carried out in India by the British Raj institutionalized the caste system on a much larger national scale.

But this same concept seems to apply in so many areas of our lives. Well not so closely but to a degree.

There’s just so many “tiers” in people these days.

Top tier people whom you aspire to have around whilst feeling comfortable and proud to have as companions or partners.

Mid-tier people that are doing ok, and you respect but are at a level you think is one that isn’t achieving their maximum potential.

Bottom-tier people that lack the ability or are just inherently lazy that you cannot bring yourself to respect them.

Weather its professionally or in social contexts, I notice how closely people judge, despite the agenda these days to “not judge”, the opposite occurs subconsciously.

As an expat, you’ll come across different tiers of fellow foreigners in every city you visit. Some cities will skew towards bottom and mid-tier expats, whilst others will have more of the top-tier individuals. This depends a lot on your field, and the location also.

In competitive cities, which university you go to, what you do, what field you’re in, what you earn and most importantly your personality, will all come into play when it comes to so many areas of your life. Weather its meeting new people, job interviews, dating or general respect amongst the community.

A recent example is of a lower tier individual I met through some friends on a night out a couple years ago. This guy was basically hitting 30, smoked weed non-stop through his early 20s, finally graduated school at 27, was a total loser back home working in retail and now was doing some customer service gig abroad which was the pinnacle for him. He was banging foreigner chaser sluts in our city that were considered the lowest rung of girls available and barely a step up from jerking off (assuming you didn’t cop an STD in the process of banging).

But for him, this was heaven. Coming from a total dump of a city, being a basement dweller with no motivation – being in a foreign country with low hanging fruit as women and a somewhat stable income (Albeit zero progression or respect) was great. There was no sense of achievement, nor a sense of development that drove him to excel in any task, it was merely just putting in the bare minimum, grinding to the weekend then boozing, weeding, gaming until Monday. It was sad, and I knew I simply can’t get along with scrubs such as these.

And nor should anyone. As they say “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with”.

Cut the filth, keep the quality. Aim high as you can, dare to dream.