Inside The University of Melbourne

Exams are now over with semester two around the corner, here’s a guest post submitted by a reader detailing their feelings towards the iconic exam venue which privileged students of The University of Melbourne are able to experience. 

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Ah! It’s that exam season again. Students in general are already in a heightened state of peril. Unsure what other students had to survive, but I but I had two, 3 hour exam. I am one of those people who can’t sit and watch epic movies such as The Lord of the Rings due to its length.
People who do go for movie marathons are surrounded by chips/popcorn and tug inside cosy blankets of theirs. Speaking of cosy, REB is not a bit close to cosy. Wait! Wait! Before I badmouth one of the iconic sites we are blessed with, let’s admire the art. REB has amazing architecture with fountains and naked statues around. Despite not knowing a single aspect of design and art even I know a building is something divine when there are naked statues present in its vicinity. I mean sculpt a cute little boy statue and have a stream of water come out from it’s you-know-where parts, and have mermaids dance around in the supposedly fluid excrement of a 12 year old boy (statue of course) flowing out as a beautiful stream from the you-know-where region. Its art what else. On top of that, UNESCO has listed it as one of the World Heritage Building site. Melbourne’s first international exhibition was held here. This place means history, culture and heritage of our country. Master Chef was shot here, big exhibitions take place in there. Also, The University of Melbourne (UoM) has booked it as its exam venue, twice a year.

Firstly, anything remotely associated by dreaded exams get victim of hate as default. On top of that, the inside of REB well, let’s talk about that. You see, when the building was created the architect didn’t think about 400 students writing their exams here did they? So here I am sitting in a massive hall, (nothing short of the Pope’s meeting hall), with a small old and imbalanced table. So you enter via the massive wooden door and go wow!! Find your way in thru maze of desks. You may say think to yourself “What’s wrong with that?”, Let me enlighten you, It’s 8 am (Melbourne is cold during the June exam period), ‘rod’ heaters are placed up high on the pillars, which primarily function as decorations since cause no heat is radiating. In addition to this, the wall clock is placed so far from the sitting area that you need telescopic vision in to assess the efficiency in the use of your time in the exam. You can’t wear your wrist watch and invigilators advise you rest it on the desk which is already overcrowded.

Things seem pretty bad right? But then you write for 3 hours. So let me summarise it for you, you’re cold, you have a hand which is stiff and you can’t hold your pen, you have no idea how long you got, and the damn desk is unbalanced (in their defence they do provide small cardboard cut pieces to balance it out, but it never completely rectifies the problem). Then they mark you so stringently. I mean there should be extra marks for just sitting the entire 3 hours and 15 minutes (reading time). They are certainly not doing any favours to REB by having exams there, rather made future generations sicker of it and it has become impossible to appreciate one of the very few iconic place in Melbourne. Thanks UoM.

PS: while discussing the above mentioned issue with one of the invigilators, I was told that I should be glad that I am getting a lot when compared to those in Africa. It was my bad luck to have come across one of those ‘Greens’. I did not pay top dollars to experience Africa. Trust me I would have not complained a bit if I would have paid the same amount as those in dear Africa. Don’t get me wrong I am not against Africa or not aware of the hardships they follow but I am furious from these hypocrite hippies who want to mask their laziness by ending every conversation with Africa. I could go on and on but let’s keep that for the next blog.