Category Archives: informational

Mar 08 2013
17 Comments
Culture, informational

Happiness, does it last?

It’s impossible to duplicate happiness.

If you’re ever in a period in your life, whether it’s in a country, with someone, in a job that brings you a lot of happiness and there is a break where you are absent from it, you simply cannot go back and re-live the same level of happiness that you experienced the first time.

It’s hard for many people to accept that, especially if there are places or people that made them happy in the past that no longer bring that same level of enjoyment to them at present, whether it’s due to things changing on their part or other external factors.

Is there really a remedy to it? All that can be said is that if there is something, some place or someone that makes you happy than stick with it until it doesn’t anymore. At least know that whatever happiness you got out of it has passed before you move on.

Happiness almost works as a drug, you have peaks (Highs), you have troughs (Lows), but you have that baseline, that baseline is what regulates you, you seek peaks but they don’t last forever, you have troughs and you seek to come back to your baseline, then at your baseline you’re seeking that next high (Withdrawl symptoms?), but it won’t ever last forever. The honeymoon only lasts for ever so long before you mundanely drift back to your baseline.

So does your baseline change? With a new environment? Changes to your financial position? Your environment doesn’t change your inherent disposition. It provides little increases to your pleasure level, but it always falls back to where it was at the start. Altering your belief system can certainly affect the regulator of your temperament, but only by a slight extent. So does money change this? Even money can’t change the basic emotions and insecurities we all feel, either from not having enough or not feeling fulfilled. It means the human experience is the same for everyone. It’s better to have money than not, but it doesn’t solve everything

If you’re ever in a place in your life where everything is going right, you’re at ease with yourself; you would be a sucker to let it go. Know that.

Dec 29 2012
13 Comments
Informational

Everything has two meanings

I’ve always been one to question ads, especially personal ads from expired cougars, recovering sluts and desperate sea cows.

This will be a short guide on how decipher the vague and ambiguous personal ads of women online.

It says: “I don’t do the casual dating marathons, or the quick hook-ups.”
Translation: “Back in my prime, I used to put out on the first date pretty regularly, but you’ll have to wait a few months.”

It says: “Educated, strong, career oriented, and driven.”
What she really means: “Must have Ca$h, so I can spend it”

She says: “I am a real woman, I am not a Barbie Doll or super model and I never will be”
What she really means: “Wait until you see me the morning after without make-up.”

She says: “I need a rich man but I don’t want to have to support another child!”
What she really means: “I want all the benefits of a partner, without having to put in any additional work!”

She says: “Curvacious/cuddly/REAL woman”
Reality: “Morbidly obese.”

She says: “A few drinks now and then is fine, just don’t be one of those guys who goes out and gets wasted at every opportunity… ”
What she really means: “Guys regularly cheat on me with the ugliest girl in the bar.”

She says: “You have to be comfortable around kids, as I have a huge family with lots of little cousins.”
What she means is: “I plan on popping them out while you work your way up that middle management ladder.”

It states: “I love having long conversations that just flow from one topic to another… ”
Actually means:  “You have to be able to listen to my nonstop whining and complaining.”

She says: “I am a strong independent woman, looking for a strong independent man. I am not willing to settle anymore for what I have decided is not for me.”
What she really means: “I started purchasing cats last year and will continue to purchase them until I die.”

She says: “I am the mother of a teenager and have decided that it is time to take care of moms needs now.”
What she really means: “I seriously fucked up by having this kid, and I would like to find someone to take care of my child so I can have me-time at Yoga class. ”

She says: “I am looking for a Man who is willing to accept myself and my son as we are.”
What she really means: “Things will never get better, only worse.”

Reality isn’t easy for everyone to accept, but most people see through the vague attempts at redemption.

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Follow the blog on Twitter @MelbUniBlog

Nov 24 2012
68 Comments
Culture, Informational

Melbourne is poison.

You are content with your life (sometimes even happy) but you are caged in an environment that brings you down. You have no excitement about waking up in the morning and have nothing to look forward to except another day of existence. You’re merely existing, not living. You go to public places and sit there, reflecting, wondering aloud, “Is this it?” as people give you weird looks. You see things as they are and wonder why other people are so slow to pick up on the obvious meanings that lie beneath the surface.

Melbourne, a city that often gets named the “World’s most livable city“, leading to its residents possessing a feeling that they live somewhere great in this world. A notion which I thought was true before exploring further and realising otherwise.

Is Melbourne really that great? Aside from the inner suburbs, the vast majority of Melbourne isn’t exactly amazing, and that’s where most of the people can afford live. The city’s “Growth” has meant people are divided even further by living on the edge of civilisation where there’s nothing but open land and lots of dust. A huge house in the middle of nowhere is still amazing though right?

The city’s public transport system isn’t great, cost of living is high and people’s attitudes aren’t great. On top of that the actual CBD itself is quite tiny, with a pretty dead zone feeling most days and nights too. What’s so great about this place?

Oh the coffee! Oh the lane ways and culture!

Yes, the coffee fascination of this place is sometimes astounds me as does the fad of having breakfast in a cafe and having some “cultured street art/graffiti” lined through the streets but does that really make it so great?

Then there’s the people.. Melbourne really produces the cookie-cutter variety of people, you go to school, you attend higher education, you work in a draining job your whole life, you pay your taxes and continue in this delusional grand mission to chase money and accumulate tangible items. This is all done in the space of one city over a span of a lifetime, how interesting!

The culture here has also broken the women. A girl wakes up and she’s 30 and has no man and no hope for a man, yet she already passed on several who didn’t give her the tingles or butterflies in her stomach or whatever the fuck term she uses. Because of course the culture gave them this sense of entitlement as well, to think that with mediocre looks and 15 extra kilos they can get a hot stud like they see in the magazines in line at the grocery store. But hey, the easy sex that girls give out like tap water these days isn’t anything to complain about for me, but there’s not much reason to date them seriously.

Creativity is sucked out of you, Risk taking is looked down upon, and soon you’ll just be the hamster spinning in its wheel. The city will also start to turn you into a self-absorbed person, you’ll only become more and more superficial. Your “rat race” weeks end up being so lifeless you will feel the need to punish your liver every weekend, so you have something interesting to say on Monday morning when you’re back at your lifeless job.
The culture amongst educational institutions also drives the “daily grind” lifestyle, especially The University of Melbourne, whereby the notion amongst everyone is something along the lines of “Career is King!” every kid is out to get a head start over their peers in their “rat race” lives and get that CPI-aligned pay rise every year. Luckily, Financially I’ve built a pretty solid empire so this hasn’t applied to me personally but for many others it really is hard for them to swallow bitter truth that you’ll never get rich working for others, but they never contest that, they continue to live their drone lives and fail to defy the status quo.
Then you have the people continually riding the “Melbourne is the best city in the world” bandwagon after visiting a string of South East Asian countries in a 3 week trip and coming back feeling as if this city has some sort of magic power. I think you’ll have to venture out to a few more countries besides that to really find where Melbourne really stacks up.
Now, whenever I’m outside of Australia and I meet someone from Melbourne I often feel the need to avoid them, just because the reminder of the most overrated city is just not worth putting up with throughout an interaction.

People may ask, if Australia and Melbourne suck so much why do so many migrants move here? Well, everybody knows the welfare system here is good and that definitely helps. If you live in this city, you probably won’t be poor, nor rich and live a pretty boring middle class life in the suburbs. Your life will be passive and soon you’ll be saying that the most interesting thing that happened to you in the last week was someone giving you the time of day.
Combine the shitty weather, terrible attitudes of people, the lacklustre beauty of the city and you have it, a very overrated city, Melbourne!

Update: Oh and I don’t live there anymore, I’m much happier splitting my time between a few other cities these days.

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Follow the blog on Twitter: @MelbUniBlog

Oct 14 2012
51 Comments
Culture, Informational, Useless Causes

Useless Causes I: Slutwalk

So today marks the start of a new series. Useless causes. I often notice protests, petitions, and debates about causes which probably are not worth thinking about. In this new series, these will be looked at and dissected to give you, the reader, an understanding of it.

We kick things off with a guest post for Slutwalk.

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“Stop the violence, stop the hate,” hordes of  freakishly ugly women chant as they parade down the streets thinking they are making a huge difference in the world. You might wonder why they are so vocal about such a cause?  Well let’s find out.

So what is SlutWalk really? It all started in 2011, but quite simply it is overweight sea cows, expired cougars and munt-worthy fuglies, that all merge and proudly admit to being easy lays. They know that they won’t be getting any sort of attention from men, so they rely on signalling their sexual promiscuity to capture a desperate male willing to dumpster dive to some pretty low depths as he has no other options. Marketing themselves as easy bangs is almost a ploy that in their deluded minds, permit them to compete with more attractive females. Of course, it’s a useless strategy, because most high-value men who have some options will run after their perfunctory smash of these inhumane beasts.

The sub-par females that rock up to these events are often the ones that do not have the ability to retain any man with anything close to an average Sexual Market Value. They gain “Confidence” by knowing that some dude that didn’t bother to learn her name, banged her and never called her again. They feel “Liberated” that they have huge notch counts with guys who would not admit to knowing them in the face of daylight. They feel “Empowered” by continually getting pumped and dumped by guys who discard them like yesterday’s trash.

On a more basic level, its a known fact that women are the gatekeepers of sex, and letting every Tom, Dick (Heh) and Harry through those gates (ie. Between your legs) really shows how high-value you are. Yup, a high value man is bound to pay full price (ie. commit)  for heavily used and damaged goods (ie. You). Oh, and continue utilising your physical prime by taking lengthy rides on the cock carousel and then don’t forget to start complaining about where all the good men went when you’re well past your prime and spinsterhood becomes a reality.

So let’s just get an idea of what I’m referring to here.

Above is a “Curvy, Beautiful, Liberated, Strong-Willed, Independent, Educated, and Liberated” female who attended one of these incredibly useless protests.

Let’s take a moment and try to understand this from the perspective of this hideous She-Beast.

There is no doubt some self-soothing psychological angle at work here. Obese whores who enjoy bragging to the world about being easy are not really conveying to others so much as they are trying to convince themselves of their massive desirability to the opposite sex. An EMPOWERED, LIBERATED  Slutwalk is just the remedy for an ugly, loser girl that guys don’t give the time of day to. She can continue to roar at the top of her lungs along with the rest of these lowlives about what a catch she is, and maybe for that split second — that sweet afternoon escape on the streets of the city — she forces herself to even believe it, and her self-esteem rises exponentially as she swiftly forgets  all those degrading, sloppy one night stands as some sort of misguided evidence of her incredible looks and desirability.

But then reality hits, and it hits hard. Spinsterhood and a large collection of cats awaits..

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Follow the Blog on Twitter @MelbUniBlog

Tagged
Oct 07 2012
11 Comments
Informational

Intern Season

Summer nears and I’m sure a lot of career kids have been spamming their applications and hopefully received a few offers for an intern gig over the long break after the end of semester 2.

So I’ll be happy to drop some huge hints for all those super eager interns to get an edge.

How to dress
Just like their work abilities, summer interns’ fashion is something good for everyone else to laugh at. Avoid this by rocking up and trying to out-dress everyone in the office. It’s your opportunity to really shine since the work you produce obviously won’t be anything great.  Too often though, interns can easily be spotted by their AMAZING Crumpler messenger bags, and well maintained suits from Lowes, maybe try to pull that off so you can let others know that you really mean business. Also, go for some crazy coloured socks, you know, the ones that don’t match at all with the rest of your attire, remember its all about standing out and making your mark with your potential future employer.

P.S. – If you’re a girl (and good looking), dress in super revealing outfits and be a complete cock tease, since most of the work interns produce get thrown out, you need to leaving a lasting memory in some way and this is a good chance.

How to behave
Suck up hard. If you get asked to get coffees, say something like this:
“COFFEE RUN? OH BOY! I LOOOVE COFFEE RUNS! I’D GLADLY GO AND GET COFFEE FOR THE REST OF THE TEAM”
or when you’re asked to pick up the MD’s dry cleaning, something like this would be good:
“WOW, I GET THE PRIVILEGE OF PICKING UP YOUR DRY CLEANING? OH MY THAT’S SUCH A HUGE RESPONSIBILITY BESTOWED UPON ME, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS OPPORTUNITY”
You must realise that all the other interns are saying generic things and just being nice, your aim is to better their responses to the furthermost extent.

When talking to senior staff drop lines such as this

“The MD is amazing, I swear the room changes when he walks in!”

If you’re a back office loser, then just stick to hanging with people you work around, and don’t try to fit in with front office staff. Let’s just say we’ve had countless laughs over back office kings trying very hard to fit in with front office stars.

How hard to work
Basically, your work will be useless and probably get thrown out so don’t work hard at all. Be cocky as fuck, and let everyone know you are a future bawse. Remember: Words speak louder than actions in the intern world. Just stay back cause everyone else is and find some random things to do on your computer. Sometimes just eat lunch at your desk even though you are idle and let everyone know about it too. The aim is to look busy without really being busy, that’s what it’s all about.

Also, just randomly go to “Meetings” and disappear for a few hours throughout the day, you will seem more important and senior staff will start to respect you more for disappearing without much notice. You are showing them how much demand you have at the company!

What to say
Be as vague as you can be, mumble, make awkward pauses and be very indecisive. Make it seem as if what you know is some sort of secret that cannot be openly shared. Statements which make no sense will probably make others feel as if they are inadequate to understand. You know what they say, fake it ’til you make it!

Post Mortem

So you’ve finished your internship and are back at university, two potential scenarios after you intern.

1. You got the offer

When you’re back at University, tell all your friends, and acquaintances of how cool it was, how amazing, interesting and intriguing the work was and how you did so well at exceeding the expectations of the company in regards to your performance!

2. You Didn’t get the offer

Tell everyone how the culture didn’t align well with your personality, or how the values weren’t similar to your personal ones. Maybe throw in how you couldn’t see yourself doing that type of work and how it wasn’t quite your thing. Just downplay it and make it seem like it was some valuable experience and through that experience you now know what you want in the future.

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Sep 22 2012
11 Comments
Culture, informational

Cupcake Craze

With the ever-growing trend of people posting every meal they consume on Facebook, for all to see, it fails to surprise me that the Cupcake craze still continues.

These little round pieces of cake with frosting on top are just too cool, so cool in fact that you are obliged to post them on Facebook, with a nice fulfilling caption to demonstrate your trendiness for consuming fine, retro food. This is very big in Melbourne.

It looks like stores make luxury cupcakes that are just incredible. The best cupcakes you’ve ever had. They only cost $2 or $3 each but if you buy them by the dozen you get a nice discount. Think about it though, a few dollars so you can happily show off to your legion of Facebook friends how cool you are, that’s surely worth it right?

It’s so popular in fact that there are shops these days, just selling cupcakes! Oh the envy!

If you want to really take it to the next level though, you have to home bake these at home, and take a photo of each creative design you’ve made then post it all on Facebook for all to admire. This way you are demonstrating your creative side as well as practical side, people will be respecting you a LOT more and you demonstrate your value to all.

Oh boy, you’re one talented person now!

Jul 21 2012
5 Comments
informational

Back we go

So officially it’s semester 2 on Monday.

The winter break’s over, and back we go to classes.

Everyone’s slowly easing into the groove of things, there’s a new batch of FOBs starting mid-year, a few indecisive kids changing courses mid-year and the rest of the students just coming back for another semester.

Jul 01 2012
6 Comments
Informational

Results!

So exams are done and I assume everyone is relaxing on their winter break (Or already studying ahead for semester 2). However, as you might begin to notice from Facebook status updates people are mentioning that results are starting to trickle through.

So I’d thought I’d write about the what goes on during the period when results come out.

So the usual updates on Facebook and Twitter will be along the lines of:

“OMG I CANT BELIEVE I PASSED <SUBJECT NAME>” (This is a typical status update for Worrying Whingers)
“<SUBJECT NAME> RESULTS ARE OUT!”
“PASSED ALL MY SUBJECTS! :)”

It’s a weird system, from memory it was semester 1 2010 when the university introduced the whole “Study plan” on the portal. So basically, results sporadically appear usually before the final release date. Spare a thought for all the students from pre-2010 who had to wait out until the official date (Or the day before) to see all their results at once.

A lot of students are going to go around asking everyone about results and how they went. This is when The Career Kid will just disappear or just give a very generic response like “I did well” or “Not bad”, or be super busy bolstering their resume ahead of applying for summer internships. Also, Have fun trying to reach FOBs, as they will probably be back in their home countries until semester 2 starts. The level of difficulty in reaching Private School kids will be similar, as they will probably be somewhere overseas, perhaps enjoying the European summer.

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Remember to follow the blog on Twitter @MelbUniBlog

Anyhow, enjoy the break!

Jun 12 2012
8 Comments
informational

Exams

I thought I’d do a serious post for a change, and since it’s still the midst of exams for most people, I decided it would be appropriate to relate this entry to them.

So a few days ago while trudging through the crowded streets in East Village after work, I received a call. It was an Australian number, it turned out to be a friend who’s still at The University of Melbourne. It was 8 in the morning in Melbourne and she was just about to head in to an exam.

This triggered my recollection of how I dealt with exams. The following was my routine.

Throughout the semester I usually end up studying the bare minimum in order to just have a superficial understanding of the concepts. I usually end up only attending tutorials and the odd lecture when I feel motivated enough. If a subject has a mid-semester test I usually end up neglecting my other subjects and focussing on preparing for that. Yes, I was lazy, but I still got great results.

As exam time neared, I’d often start looking through course materials in a more serious manner. This was often around Week 11 or 12. During SWOTVAC I’d start filling in the gaps for all the little things I needed to know. I’d always consult with friends who had done the subject previously to get an idea of what to expect and what to focus on. This saved a lot of time. Plus, I’d just end up using their notes too.

During SWOTVAC, I become nocturnal, although I spend a lot of time procrastinating too I end up working much better at odd hours of the morning. I’d often procrastinate for hours, then sparodically pull off some of the most intense studying I could ever imagine.

The days leading into the exam I’d do a bit of practice and end up relaxing a lot more, often doing nothing the day before the exam. On exam day I’d avoid talking to people about the exam and just listen to music and not really think too much until I got to the venue.

After the exam I’d spend the day relaxing and not really thinking about my next exam until the day after (Unless I’ve been so unlucky and it’s on the same day ofcourse!)

and yeah.. in case you were wondering.. this routine got me a pretty solid average.

 

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Remember to follow the blog on Twitter @MelbUniBlog

Tagged
Apr 18 2012
6 Comments
informational

Outsourcing Uni!

Yes, yes, time for a new entry. I have been rather busy of late which is the reason I haven’t had much time to post anything new of late.

So, during university many students get rather lazy and struggle to complete their allocated work. Some students however, just avoid doing it all together. Outsourcing assignments and exams are actually rather common at The University of Melbourne.

Yes, even exams..

A couple of years ago now, someone I know was rather screwed for this one subject. I will refer to him as Person A. Note, Person A is mathematically depleted and this subject requires some strong quantitative ability. Also Person A put in no effort to even turn up to any lectures or tutorials for this particular subject.

Anyway, around came exam time and Person A was genuinely screwed as he had no idea what to do. So instead of cramming or even trying to cram, he asks a friend of his, who I will refer to as Person B  to complete the exam on Person A’s behalf. Person B completed this subject the previous semester but didn’t exactly do incredibly well in it, but passed. So after Person B agrees to do the exam, Person A passes his ID card to Person B (They don’t look really similar at all). The exam comes and goes and the invigilators don’t question Person B at all. If Person B did get busted he planned to run away from the Royal Exhibition Building anyway.

In the end, Person A passes the subject and Person B is remunerated accordingly. Standard outsourcing.

A funny outsourcing story which I heard from a friend a while back.

So, this one student fails an Accounting subject, and re-does it over summer and ends up passing (Like literally getting a Pass). This kid gets asked by one of his friends to sit his mid-semester exam for this subject. The guy asking to get his mid-semester test done knows that person he is persuading has failed the mid-semester test for this subject both times he did it, yet still asks him to do it for him. Baffling how lazy you can get!

Another story of outsourcing I heard from someone I know..

There’s this very rich international student who just decided not to rock up to university at all for a semester, so he paid someone more than $20,000 to:
A) Rock up to all lectures and tutorials
B) Hand in all relevant assessments
C) Complete all mid-semester tests and end of semester exams

In the end, it all went through worry-free, in this case however these students looked a little bit similar so that’s forgivable, right?

So next time, you’re tired, stressed or just can’t be bothered with university work, think about outsourcing!

P.S. – You can follow me on Twitter, @MelbUniBlog, I’ll keep you posted with updates and some other random things.

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